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Long Time Sun-Snatam Kaur


Weird afternoon at the Mint

On one hand today was Bay to
, so the bar was full of rowdy drunk people in costume,
wanting to get their loud, party karaoke on, while at the same time,
the regulars were having a memorial to "Sir" Donald, one of the gang
who'd been with us for years.

Quite a dichotomy. I only sang three songs, but finished strong with "I'm Still Here," which was one of Donald's songs as well, and thus a fitting tribute.

As a result of the Memorial, my friend Donatello, who I'd been on the
outs with for a few years walked in, hugged me and sat down next to
me. I tried to amends, because he was absolutely right regarding the
thing he was mad about. (Me being a gossip --- if not a Gossypiboma.)
He said we were ok, and that he'd been touchy, but it was OK. This
goes back a couple of years. It was nice to see him and have that

(I know the Steps are in order for a reason, and right now I'm still contending with Step 2, but when the opportunity walks into a bar and plunks itself down next to you...)

Yoga Mat on BART

I talked to the mat's owner and it turned out she was on her way to Bhaktifest in Joshua Tree.

My new theory....

The minute I tell a waiter or waitress "no dressing" someone in the kitchen starts rubbing their hands together in maniacal glee at the prospect of putting dressing on my salad so I will look like a psycho or a bitch or a psycho-bitch when I send it back.


Another no-no

That would be technically ok for Paleo, if I wasn’t a compulsive overeater—fresh apricots. Those things are like fruit-crack for me. Once I start I cannot stop. Last year, I binged hard on those suckers. This year it’s part of my abstinence that I do not touch them.

This morning....

A hearty FUCK YOU to Google Maps.

This is me emphatically not practicing serenity or acceptance or even praying for serenity. I don't want to accept that you miserable bastards will no longer give me access to the old version. I want you to admit that the new version sucks donkey balls and give me the old version back.
So this happened:

Unedited text of what I wrote on Wednesday and sent to my sponsorCollapse )

The following day, I went to my boss and apologized for disrespecting her by basically lying to her face and then going right on trying to get away with the behavior. She ended up hugging me, saying she loved me and that I shouldn't feel bad. (I was in tears at this point...that's always a good look in front of your boss.)

Without going into all the gory details, I told her I had a problem with food, that I taking steps (didn't actually there were 12 of them) to work on it and told it was now a matter of personal commitment and integrity that it wouldn't happen again.

Getting off the nuts has been excruciating. My disease has fought back hard with cravings, anxiety, and various sneaky addict thoughts. I think this is the first time I've actually been forced to WORK the program in this round of recovery. I made a lot of phone calls and I prayed, while I wanted nuts (or just to binge the pain away) so bad I felt like I was going to claw my skin off.

I have to commit my "no nuts," along with my exercise abstinence to my sponsor. (The joys of being an addict. Also need to get my ass in gear on that 2nd step.)

HOWEVER...I'm doing it...including having to work dreaded 5AM shift yesterday.

Awesome stuff

Although let's start with the fact that I suck...I haven't looked at my F-list in over a month and it may not happen. With the job and Yoga and exercise and meditation and the FictionGuru and trying to respect the sleep, there's no time and my interest in any particular media or fandom as a whole is down to pretty much nil. Sorry, guys.

And now back to awesome stuff.

1. 238 days since my last binge.

2. East Side Sushi

(Filmed in near-by Oakland. Feel-good, but not overly manipulative.)

3. I STILL love my job. (I checked in Gina Schock the other night, although I did miss the arrival of all of Green Day.)

4. Uber

5. Yoga and Kirtan at Laughing Lotus. I certainly have a better future as a Kirtan wallah than as a Yogini. I'm completely addicted to the Kirtan and along with my physical practice, it's the basis of whatever spirituality is keeping me out of the food.

6. DOGS!

7. I'm still strict Paleo. No gluten, no grains, no sugar, no soy, no legumes, no white potatoes, no artificial sweetener, and no dairy, except grassfed, full-fat butter.

8. Relax Feet Massage. A much better value than a "fluffy robe" massage at Burke Williams. I may go get another one tomorrow.

9. OK, I know we reallyreallyreally need rain...but this weather has been insanely gorgeous for over a month now.

10. Bulletproof Tea, always made with Kerrygold Unsalted Butter



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May 2015



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