karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,
karaokegal
karaokegal

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House Babble for The C Word

Warnings:
1. I am angry.
2. I want other people to be angry. (At the crack monkeys, not at me.)
3. I'm angry at people who are not angry.
4. If you're not angry, reading this might make you angry.
5. Please read at your own emotional risk. I'll understand if you choose not to.



There was exactly one moment of genuine H/W subtext last night that reflected the actual relationship as it’s been depicted since day one, that had the aspects that made me fall in love with them as a slash ship and which I truly believe was not fanservice and pandering.

It happened when Wilson was talking about about how when he’d imagined this moment, there was a wife and family in the picture. While he was saying this, House was brooding in the dark, hurt by Wilson’s words and we saw the pain of him knowing that he was still second to a woman in Wilson’s life, even a hypothetical one. The expression on Hugh Laurie’s face told us the same things we saw all the way back in Fidelity, when House was interrogating Wilson about his tie.

That is perfect House/Wilson slash. That is subtext. I’m convinced we were never supposed to read House’s anger in that moment as part of crack monkeys stupid, smirking, slimy attempts to twiddle the twats of the fanbase that they’ve used and abused for so long.

Everything else about the H/W in the episode as I said in my initial wave of anger last night was BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT!

I took my first post down (although not off Tumblr) not because I’m wrong or because I retract anything including the contempt for all concerned, but because I think it at least requires the full Babble to make more sense.

I was actually willing to give this episode the benefit of the doubt to some extent. I am an H/W shipper. Despite evidence to the contrary, make that 6 YEARS of evidence, I still want to believe in H/W. I want to believe the writers are capable of giving me “real” H/W, now that we’re down to the short strokes to use the kind of metaphor they would throw out there, snickering to themselves all the time.

The scene in doctor’s office was incredibly jarring, reminding me of how badly the show has lost its once glorious ability to manage tone. Remember how we used to be able to watch House completely berate and destroy a patient or could tell immediately that Wilson was being a jerk and House was being a bigger one.

I knew going in the whole H/W aspect of the episode was essentially going to be hurt/comfort fanfic rip-off and I might have accepted Wilson’s little monologue about the dead patients if it hadn’t been so very badly written and delivered by Broadway Bob with a complete eye toward getting RSL the supporting Emmy nomination he’s been denied all these years. And if it wasn’t so very much fanfiction.

The paradox of this episode is that there was a time where the fanfiction was great and the show was better. Now the show is pulling from what was great fanfiction and it still sucks. Any of us could have written all Wilson’s show-piece speeches. Some of us did. Unfortunately the crack monkeys have no way of taking the fanfic style of declamation and making good television out of it.

Believe it or not, I was still telling evila_elf and michelleann68 that it was OK and not so bad, right up until the shot of House and Wilson both drugged up together on the couch. That was offensive and OOC for Wilson (EVEN SICK AND IN PAIN WILSON) on so many levels. And with that I starting leveling the loathing and disgust at this steaming piece of fecal matter that every second so richly deserved.

Hugh, PLEASE don’t give up the day job. OK, you are essentially giving up the day job, but from this evidence, direction isn’t your future. Ugly close-ups. Awkward framing. I’d excuse the dark lighting in the apartment, except the hospital looked awful too.

Go home. Get some rest. Record an album of something that doesn’t make me cringe. Get a good movie part. Do one more episode of Spooks. Finish your book. Do a play in the West End. Just get it through your head that you are not Kenneth Brannagh. (Not that Em would want you to be, but that’s a different story.)

My over-whelming contempt for the crack monkeys and by extension every single member of the production staff AND anyone who didn’t see through the crap started with three separate gay references, all clearly intended as fanservice, all raising the specter of House or Wilson acknowledging the sexuality in the relationship and all immediately quashed by dialogue, tone or both. Mind, you any of them singly would have been fun or acceptable at the level of House’s bit in The Mistake when he “told” Stacy he was gay. “It does explain a lot, though: no girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers.”

The great sadness is that the writers tipped their hands so early. The MINUTE they acknowledged that some of the writing staff were playing to the shippers in the audience, every single line like that became suspect, especially FIVE YEARS LATER, when we all know it ain’t gonna happen, and no one currently on staff is going to let it happen. That means every single one of those lines ONLY exists to get the effect. The bit about the cuddling, the line about Wilson being gay for House.

Do you REALLY want to be a drooling, clit-rubbing, pavlovian fangirl or boy who lets that writers play with you like that, when you KNOW these are the same people who told you that House drove a car into Cuddy’s home because he was jealous of her. Let me say that again, because he was jealous of CUDDY? You think THOSE writers are giving you the frisson of H/W gay references because they have so much love and admiration and respect for you or your ship?

They do not. They are giving the H/W fans Twinkies. Chocolate covered Twinkies, only the ‘chocolate’ is a fine layer of shit. I used to love this show and I still care about this fandom. I don’t want us to accept shit. I realize that it’s a bit late to go down to LA and storm the barricades of Fox, but to me the last act of House Fandom at the Chelsea Drugstore is to at least be able to stand up and do a Peter Finch-esque bellow of anger and say “I’m mad as hell, and I know this is shit!”

So yeah. Contempt. How can anybody watch this (except for the one good moment) and feel sadness or loss emotions that might have once been applicable to the characters when they were being so brilliantly acted and written when there’s nothing left but cynical manipulation and crap.

The worst was yet to come. I’m sure anyone who’s immersed themselves in fanfic for the last 8 years can come up with actual op cits for every single one of the hurt/comfort clichés they rolled out for our “entertainment.” Shitting, puking, crawling on the floor, sweating, hallucinations, confessions. Blah, blah, blah. Yawn. Is anything happening back at the hospital? Well, no, not really, except that it’s being pretty well proven that the team doesn’t really need House and that (as suspected) all the Park/Chase crap never actually happened. And oh yeah all parents are scum. Why is it that they can be consistent with that fact, along with Everybody Lies, Love Hurts and Sex Kills, but nothing else?

And now the crowning moment of complete and utter character annihilation and BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT, that makes me really feel that hatred for everyone involved and the need to shake up and lecture anyone who fell for it….HOUSE SHARING HIS PAINKILLERS….even at the cost of his own pain relief.

NO. JUST NO. Not for anyone. Not even for Wilson. Not in Season 1, not in Season 2, not in Season 5, not now, not ever. Not as the show has ever depicted the character. Certainly in fanfic. VERY BAD FANFIC. BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT! Complete with what I assume was the intended clitoris-rubbing money shot of House putting one of his Vicodin on Wilson’s tongue. (I wrote a fic with that one all the way back 2006.)

I hadn’t seen or heard spoilers for this, but michelleann68 had and she was predicting that was the moment I would fucking lose my shit and basically turn into a giant ball of vitriol-spewing rage. Good call, michelleann68.

Seriously. Please tell me you all saw that and wanted to vomit as much as I did. That you all know in your hearts that House would find a way to get more drugs, and that in the end, he’d still do what he had to for his own pain first. PLEASE. Because if the response was a big ooey-gooey schmoopy-oopy squeee of “SQUUUUUEEEEEEEE! House WUVS WILSON” then all is lost and the things that were great about this show are totally lost, and the fandom has sold its soul to the crack monkeys.

Besides, they then proceeded to re-slap the fandom in the face while they assumed it was down on the floor with Wilson having snot and/or mascara running. Let me see if I’ve got this right…while House was so busy taking care of his beloved Wilson, who was alternately unconscious, vomiting and or shitting himself, and while House was SUFFERING because he loved Wilson SO MUCH he was willing to being in excruciating pain himself to keep Wilson from being in as much pain….he found time to round up hookers and costumes and take funny pictures.

Yes, that completely matches everything we saw that we were supposed to be oh-so-moved by.

I assume this goes along with the “roll open door” to Wilson’s office and the Park/Chase swill in terms of “now you see it, now you don’t” stuff that produces some kind of cheap laugh and then disappears never to be heard or seen again, but I also hope it shows anyone who was played into giving a shit just how little the crack monkeys care about H/W and the fans who love them.

I do retract my statement that every single member of the production staff and cast is guilty of dramatic malfeasance. Kudos to the make-up people who did Wilson’s face. Best “sickly pallor” I’ve seen since Jack Harkness was dying from poison in Miracle Day.

Nice job guys.
Tags: bitching, fanfic, greg house, house babble, house md, house/wilson, james wilson, ranting
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