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House Babble for The C Word

1. I am angry.
2. I want other people to be angry. (At the crack monkeys, not at me.)
3. I'm angry at people who are not angry.
4. If you're not angry, reading this might make you angry.
5. Please read at your own emotional risk. I'll understand if you choose not to.

There was exactly one moment of genuine H/W subtext last night that reflected the actual relationship as it’s been depicted since day one, that had the aspects that made me fall in love with them as a slash ship and which I truly believe was not fanservice and pandering.

It happened when Wilson was talking about about how when he’d imagined this moment, there was a wife and family in the picture. While he was saying this, House was brooding in the dark, hurt by Wilson’s words and we saw the pain of him knowing that he was still second to a woman in Wilson’s life, even a hypothetical one. The expression on Hugh Laurie’s face told us the same things we saw all the way back in Fidelity, when House was interrogating Wilson about his tie.

That is perfect House/Wilson slash. That is subtext. I’m convinced we were never supposed to read House’s anger in that moment as part of crack monkeys stupid, smirking, slimy attempts to twiddle the twats of the fanbase that they’ve used and abused for so long.

Everything else about the H/W in the episode as I said in my initial wave of anger last night was BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT!

I took my first post down (although not off Tumblr) not because I’m wrong or because I retract anything including the contempt for all concerned, but because I think it at least requires the full Babble to make more sense.

I was actually willing to give this episode the benefit of the doubt to some extent. I am an H/W shipper. Despite evidence to the contrary, make that 6 YEARS of evidence, I still want to believe in H/W. I want to believe the writers are capable of giving me “real” H/W, now that we’re down to the short strokes to use the kind of metaphor they would throw out there, snickering to themselves all the time.

The scene in doctor’s office was incredibly jarring, reminding me of how badly the show has lost its once glorious ability to manage tone. Remember how we used to be able to watch House completely berate and destroy a patient or could tell immediately that Wilson was being a jerk and House was being a bigger one.

I knew going in the whole H/W aspect of the episode was essentially going to be hurt/comfort fanfic rip-off and I might have accepted Wilson’s little monologue about the dead patients if it hadn’t been so very badly written and delivered by Broadway Bob with a complete eye toward getting RSL the supporting Emmy nomination he’s been denied all these years. And if it wasn’t so very much fanfiction.

The paradox of this episode is that there was a time where the fanfiction was great and the show was better. Now the show is pulling from what was great fanfiction and it still sucks. Any of us could have written all Wilson’s show-piece speeches. Some of us did. Unfortunately the crack monkeys have no way of taking the fanfic style of declamation and making good television out of it.

Believe it or not, I was still telling evila_elf and michelleann68 that it was OK and not so bad, right up until the shot of House and Wilson both drugged up together on the couch. That was offensive and OOC for Wilson (EVEN SICK AND IN PAIN WILSON) on so many levels. And with that I starting leveling the loathing and disgust at this steaming piece of fecal matter that every second so richly deserved.

Hugh, PLEASE don’t give up the day job. OK, you are essentially giving up the day job, but from this evidence, direction isn’t your future. Ugly close-ups. Awkward framing. I’d excuse the dark lighting in the apartment, except the hospital looked awful too.

Go home. Get some rest. Record an album of something that doesn’t make me cringe. Get a good movie part. Do one more episode of Spooks. Finish your book. Do a play in the West End. Just get it through your head that you are not Kenneth Brannagh. (Not that Em would want you to be, but that’s a different story.)

My over-whelming contempt for the crack monkeys and by extension every single member of the production staff AND anyone who didn’t see through the crap started with three separate gay references, all clearly intended as fanservice, all raising the specter of House or Wilson acknowledging the sexuality in the relationship and all immediately quashed by dialogue, tone or both. Mind, you any of them singly would have been fun or acceptable at the level of House’s bit in The Mistake when he “told” Stacy he was gay. “It does explain a lot, though: no girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers.”

The great sadness is that the writers tipped their hands so early. The MINUTE they acknowledged that some of the writing staff were playing to the shippers in the audience, every single line like that became suspect, especially FIVE YEARS LATER, when we all know it ain’t gonna happen, and no one currently on staff is going to let it happen. That means every single one of those lines ONLY exists to get the effect. The bit about the cuddling, the line about Wilson being gay for House.

Do you REALLY want to be a drooling, clit-rubbing, pavlovian fangirl or boy who lets that writers play with you like that, when you KNOW these are the same people who told you that House drove a car into Cuddy’s home because he was jealous of her. Let me say that again, because he was jealous of CUDDY? You think THOSE writers are giving you the frisson of H/W gay references because they have so much love and admiration and respect for you or your ship?

They do not. They are giving the H/W fans Twinkies. Chocolate covered Twinkies, only the ‘chocolate’ is a fine layer of shit. I used to love this show and I still care about this fandom. I don’t want us to accept shit. I realize that it’s a bit late to go down to LA and storm the barricades of Fox, but to me the last act of House Fandom at the Chelsea Drugstore is to at least be able to stand up and do a Peter Finch-esque bellow of anger and say “I’m mad as hell, and I know this is shit!”

So yeah. Contempt. How can anybody watch this (except for the one good moment) and feel sadness or loss emotions that might have once been applicable to the characters when they were being so brilliantly acted and written when there’s nothing left but cynical manipulation and crap.

The worst was yet to come. I’m sure anyone who’s immersed themselves in fanfic for the last 8 years can come up with actual op cits for every single one of the hurt/comfort clichés they rolled out for our “entertainment.” Shitting, puking, crawling on the floor, sweating, hallucinations, confessions. Blah, blah, blah. Yawn. Is anything happening back at the hospital? Well, no, not really, except that it’s being pretty well proven that the team doesn’t really need House and that (as suspected) all the Park/Chase crap never actually happened. And oh yeah all parents are scum. Why is it that they can be consistent with that fact, along with Everybody Lies, Love Hurts and Sex Kills, but nothing else?

And now the crowning moment of complete and utter character annihilation and BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT, that makes me really feel that hatred for everyone involved and the need to shake up and lecture anyone who fell for it….HOUSE SHARING HIS PAINKILLERS….even at the cost of his own pain relief.

NO. JUST NO. Not for anyone. Not even for Wilson. Not in Season 1, not in Season 2, not in Season 5, not now, not ever. Not as the show has ever depicted the character. Certainly in fanfic. VERY BAD FANFIC. BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT! Complete with what I assume was the intended clitoris-rubbing money shot of House putting one of his Vicodin on Wilson’s tongue. (I wrote a fic with that one all the way back 2006.)

I hadn’t seen or heard spoilers for this, but michelleann68 had and she was predicting that was the moment I would fucking lose my shit and basically turn into a giant ball of vitriol-spewing rage. Good call, michelleann68.

Seriously. Please tell me you all saw that and wanted to vomit as much as I did. That you all know in your hearts that House would find a way to get more drugs, and that in the end, he’d still do what he had to for his own pain first. PLEASE. Because if the response was a big ooey-gooey schmoopy-oopy squeee of “SQUUUUUEEEEEEEE! House WUVS WILSON” then all is lost and the things that were great about this show are totally lost, and the fandom has sold its soul to the crack monkeys.

Besides, they then proceeded to re-slap the fandom in the face while they assumed it was down on the floor with Wilson having snot and/or mascara running. Let me see if I’ve got this right…while House was so busy taking care of his beloved Wilson, who was alternately unconscious, vomiting and or shitting himself, and while House was SUFFERING because he loved Wilson SO MUCH he was willing to being in excruciating pain himself to keep Wilson from being in as much pain….he found time to round up hookers and costumes and take funny pictures.

Yes, that completely matches everything we saw that we were supposed to be oh-so-moved by.

I assume this goes along with the “roll open door” to Wilson’s office and the Park/Chase swill in terms of “now you see it, now you don’t” stuff that produces some kind of cheap laugh and then disappears never to be heard or seen again, but I also hope it shows anyone who was played into giving a shit just how little the crack monkeys care about H/W and the fans who love them.

I do retract my statement that every single member of the production staff and cast is guilty of dramatic malfeasance. Kudos to the make-up people who did Wilson’s face. Best “sickly pallor” I’ve seen since Jack Harkness was dying from poison in Miracle Day.

Nice job guys.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 1st, 2012 06:33 pm (UTC)
I loved this show, I wrote my first fanfic ever for this show. This show was a gem.. The last few seasons as the when the writers crack addiction became more serious, (I turned out a lot of the last season) the broke that gem up into smaller pieces and sold them off to score some more. It was painful to see what had happened to a show that I really loved. It had been a few seasons since I truly looked forward to and loved it, but my loyalty kept me there.

After last night, I am convinced they have switched from Crack to Meth. Because they brought not only the crazy, but the mood swings, and tone changes, and the weight loss is so very evident.

I really wish I still good emotions for this show, but I feel pity and a sadness that instead of going out strong with the humor and wordplay that I loved, our big strong show is showing the signs of an addiction, it is trying way to hard to "please" fans and it is a anorexic version of its once healthy self.

Thanks for voicing something I have felt, but have nowhere near your elegance with the written word.
May. 1st, 2012 09:22 pm (UTC)
I totally appreciate you walking arm in arm with me to the bitter end of this thing. You're one of the people I met specifically because I went looking for House/Wilson slash and ended up on LJ. Not matter how much the show is now a source of pain, I'm still grateful for you and all the awesome people I met in fandom.

The crack-monkeys may well have turned to something even more addictive simply because the old thrills aren't working anymore.

I'm happy that I've been able to rant and babble and bitch and give voice to those who agree with my anger over the dismantling and distruction of what was once one of the best and most original shows ever to hit American network tv.
May. 1st, 2012 10:02 pm (UTC)
I know I will value the friendships that I formed over the show, and that is what I will take away. You and evila_elf specifically.

My phrase for when this happens in an ep (or maybe a few) is .. "I hate when shows get cute", (that means they defy the formula and try to be more clever then the show is ready for and make a mess). JJ did it to Alias when he jumped the 2 years ( and then kept trying to cute his way back to center) , and House did it when he had the competition for the new staff (they did it many more times in this show, that is one example). And I think that is what pisses me off. NCIS now they don't try cute very often, I am thinking the 200th ep (when Gibbs was shot and saw the consequences if things would have been different)- it was a cute/clever ep, but you know.. it did not change the show dynamics, at the end of the show, they all returned to center and the show went on with a little more knowledge - that is how you do it. You don't shift everything, b/c then you will spend the rest of the series trying to find that center again. That is where my anger is centered. These are the actions that make me not trust.

I may not like the way Fontana ended OZ, but I respect his choices and would watch what ever he does. JJ and David.. they both burned me on shows that I loved.

Sorry for the rant, I am not asking for a show to never change, I guess incremental changes that feel germane to the characters seems to be asking for way too much now-a-days.

Thanks for being there and I will be on IM with you till the bitter end, maybe then we can find a new show, that actually does not require brain bleach after the ep.

^<---- Milhouse says it all.

May. 1st, 2012 06:51 pm (UTC)
Kudos to the make-up people who did Wilson’s face.
Indeed. Plus, I'm not willing to blame the lack of lights on HL since the whole Season 8 has been dark through.

As for the rest, I have been waiting for your rant ever since I saw the episode, although I didn't expect such a nice explosion of allcaps. On the other hand, I was almost worried you would blow a gasket - luckily you're home this week. Hope hubby is treating you better than his usually high standards. Do insist that you deserve extra pampering, and show him this comment if needed.

this said, LMAO! I feel very smug at your distress: That's what happens if you want to insist that everything you watch onscreen is canon. I, on the other hand, believe that there is a secret story which has been heavily edited by tptb because oh noes! we cannot have any gay subtext!!!

So let me tell you what really happened.
The other oncologist didn't ignore Wilson's idea. He just said that it couldn't be done within hospital guidelines. Wilson was equally angry, but he DID know it was true. No one was called a sissy.
There were enough meds for everyone, because Wilson had stored enough. More thanenough, because he's Wilson. Also, painkiller pills while vomiting? LOL.
Allthe crappy homophobic jokes, bromance and shit, never happened. Seriously. They have been added to appease tptb. Ditto with a ribbon on top for the photoshoot.

What did happen was that Wilson was, of course, in House's bed, and he was wearing just a diaper and there was a plastic sheet below him. (As you may recall, sheet and shit are homophones when I speak). Because for an almost 6'baby you need a huge changing table (been there, done that). The Vicodin in the mouth was totally hilarious for me in a way it maybe couldn't befor you... it looked exactly like Communion in a Catholic Church.

And yes, it was liking seeing a fanfic onscreen... and what's wrong with that?
As said, everything that didn't make sense I ignored. BTW, I found the parents of the POTW unbelievably sweet and reasonable, especially the mother :).

In short, I did enjoy the episode a lot. With a few changes, of course (I'm too lazy to find the refrence in Mansfield Park, which probably would be pretty meaningless to you anyway). And I looked forward to your babble and enjoyed that as well. I am so evil.

May. 1st, 2012 09:29 pm (UTC)
In my best Joe Pesci: "Am I a clown? Do I amuuuuuse you?"

And yes, even when I'm almost literally frothing at the mouth, I'm not unaware that it really is just a TV show. Mind you that doesn't help. The pain is real. The anger is real, but I understand there is an aspect of the ludicrous in feeling that pain and anger over a bunch of grownups putting on costumes and saying lines written by other people.

The problem "fanfic on screen" is twofold. One is this case is't BAD fanfic and two, that I once trusted this show to be good enough that they didn't have to put fanfic on screen.

As far as you're shiny, delusional tin-hat of the real story, there was a time (2nd season) where I could do that. I could see the "real" story of what happened while House and Wilson were living together. I could see the exact moments where Wilson was giving House a blow-job in the janitor's closet. But that was before the stupid cow asked her question at "Inside The Actor's Studio" and before the insiders gave the game away.

When you KNOW they KNOW and then you know that they're deliberately messing with you, they've no longer earned the right to play the game.

I'm glad you were able to find a way to enjoy this violation of the characters and the fans. I'm just too emotionally invested to give let anything go, when it's that abusive.

There is a meta to be written as to how both the relationship of writers to fans and House to Wilson is a purely abusive one with the fans accepting shit-covered twinkies as love and Wilson laughing off the worst of House's emotional beatings because it's the only emotion House can openly express. (Maybe this ties in to your BDSM series, although I am fully aware that BDSM=/= domestic violence.)
May. 2nd, 2012 05:34 pm (UTC)
the stupid cow asked her question at "Inside The Actor's Studio"
One of the blessings of not getting spoken English easily is that I rarely listen to interviews, and never to the writers/producers.

And I think Wilson isn't innocent, and the relationship between them is give and take. Which is why I'm going to blatantly ignore most of S8, because, really?
The one thing I did like was Wilson in pain lashing out at House. Not because he really things that House deserves cancer, but because he doesn't, and still said it.

BDSM=/=abuse. It might be closer to the closet!verse, where the boundary between BDSM and abuse is definitely blurred. Interestingly, there it is Wilson that abuses House, and keeps insisting that House can safeword whenever he wants, all the while implying that if he does Wilson will dump him - a bit like the writers saying we can always stop watching. Except now they can;t threaten us with it anymore, since the show is ending anyway. I feel more free not less.

I do agree, though, that for you, remembering so vividly your feelings and hopes over years of a really good show, seeing the current season must be like being run over by a truck every time.

[LOL at you're/your. You have no idea how weird it looks to me.]
May. 2nd, 2012 05:43 pm (UTC)
I can't believe I screwed up a your/you're since it's a major pet peeve/obsession of mine, but when I'm this pissed off, there does tend to be a disconnect between what my brain knows and what my fingers end up typing.

One of themes of the show back when they were still writing in character was Wilson's culpability. That's why I loved the "real" moment I referenced at the beginning of the Babble. Wilson may not know in that moment that he's saying something hurtful, but he KNOWS how much House resents his potential "normal" life and relationships, something House has shut himself off from. The fact that they're using this plot to once again white-wash Wilson is yet another reason to be furious about it.
May. 1st, 2012 07:29 pm (UTC)
I'm still in a state of WTF over the ep. It had a few good moments, but only if you ignored all the other shit that happened around them.

House going without Vicodin was kinda touching.
Hell, I even got a tiny bit of enjoyment out of House feeding Wilson the pill (I really can't turn off my inner shipper lol).

But House and Wilson both hooking up? House not berating Wilson for being an idiot in a hundred different ways? The realism with realism isn't wanted or needed (Wilson shitting himself is a place I don't want to go - probably just written so we could see House 'helping' Wilson to the bathroom).
And all those close ups? Hugh, you really should know better.

The directing (aside from the closeups) might not have been too bad, but hard to tell because of the horrible script.

I did laugh at the photo montage at the end. THAT was more like something House would do...if you ignored all the raging PAIN he must have been in because of skipping his Vicodin. (I do think my laughter was a touch on the hysterical side).

I love angst, but most of this just made me uncomfortable.
May. 1st, 2012 09:34 pm (UTC)
I think your last line really sums it up. There were elements here that could have worked in previous seasons, if they had botched so much of it in the last few years. Now it's just watching an ugly train wreck. They just haven't EARNED this level of drama. Maybe if they'd done it just after Tritter it might have worked. Post Amber, Post Sam, Post Cuddy---not so much.
May. 1st, 2012 08:51 pm (UTC)
Even though I felt differently about some things (still turning it around in my mind), I love this babble. It should be bronzed.

while House was SUFFERING because he loved Wilson SO MUCH he was willing to being in excruciating pain himself to keep Wilson from being in as much pain….he found time to round up hookers and costumes and take funny pictures.

TRUTH FOR THE WIN! LOL! When I saw that it was co-written by ex-NCIS exec producer/hack John Kelley, I knew there would be this back and forth between extreme drama and moments of goofy humor, with some over-the-top stuff at the end. I can't get past how offensive the photo montage was.

May. 1st, 2012 09:37 pm (UTC)
I'd settle for laminated. :)

What really bothered me was Wilson's reaction. This is essentially the second time in three weeks that House has done something truly abusive to Wilson and Wilson has laughed it off.

Since they can't give us good gay subtext anymore, maybe they're settling for domestic violence. Wilson is really starting to feel like a battered spouse.
May. 2nd, 2012 04:03 am (UTC)
I watched because...oh hell, it's the end, they've been fucking it up royally for years now but...it's the end.

I was completely repulsed at the scene of both of them on the couch.

I feel your pain. Even as a House/Cameron shipper, I truly do.
May. 2nd, 2012 05:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! No matter how much anyone wants to justify it in the actual plot or how much anyone wants to try and read it as a shippy moment or showing that House has completely corrupted Wilson, it was just so utterly wrong. Wilson has spent 8 years averted his eyes from the worst of House's drug abuse and trying to separate himself from it, even when he was Houses' #1 enabler. This was so far out of character as to absolutely prove that no one on the writing honestly gives a damn about the characters anymore.
May. 3rd, 2012 01:37 pm (UTC)
The thing that makes me most want to scream is when something awful happens to your (my) beloved ship (whichever ship that is, LOL!) and we go on a well-deserved RANT, feeling angry and betrayed, and someone says:

"It's only a TV show! Relax!"


May. 4th, 2012 03:32 am (UTC)
That's what makes it so important to have a fandom. My husband is pretty good about this stuff, but it'll always be "just a tv show" to him and there are times when I know I'm out of control and it's far better to have fandom people to rant too. When I was going through Children of Earth, he said I was genuinely scaring him.
Aug. 3rd, 2012 09:01 pm (UTC)
Ahahah tonight my hubby told me the same (as he used to during the first seasons)...
so...what can I say? It was not all that crap, but it was totally creepy and awkward for most of the time.
As you said, it could have worked (and very , very, very well, to me) after Tritter, but not now.
But at least, I had H and W for most of the time. no matter what.

Yet, my hubby is so appreciating this season. Maybe because the hubbies treat all this like a tv show. - as you said already. But there is one thing I dissent on: my love for Hugh never, ever will change. I am serious. He can do whatever crap !
Aug. 3rd, 2012 09:15 pm (UTC)
I honestly never thought anything could impact my Hugh-love...well Maybe Baby came close, but I didn't personally blame him for that, I was just appalled that he had to be a part of it. But now...it's so much harder to love him than it used to be. I KNOW he's not inclined to ever tell us his real feelings, but somehow I wish I could know that he didn't buy into this crap.
Aug. 5th, 2012 10:15 am (UTC)
"well Maybe Baby came close" :-)
I wish I could know too, but at the same time I am well aware of my total unconditional love so I tend to focus on good things he did only...you are way more rational :-)
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )



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