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Either 1/2 lb or absolutely no weight loss this week.

This is why Geneen Roth (my food guru) says to stay off the scale. Unfortunately, I'd gotten in to a massive state of denial and couldn't break out until I saw a number that was edging toward 200. Keep in mind I'm only 5' 3 1/2" and you'll understand why that's a bad bad thing. Yeah, I know about the HEAS theory, but just...NO!

So I stopped the really self-destructive eating and started getting back to push-ups, core-work, cardio etc. Made the commitment to weigh in once a week and aim for 2 lbs (no more) per week.

And I was doing OK, until last week, when I only lost 1 1/2 and the insane, cray-cray, self-destruction thinking starting in. I decided that the way I was comfortably eating, which included tuna salad on a bagel or curried chicken salad on a croissant from the deli downstairs wasn't diety-y enough. Too many "bad" carbs. Too much fat in the croissant and the mayo etc etc.

Switched over to salads from Mixt Greens, dressing on the side and barely used. (At least until Wednesday's Ceasar when I practically licked the little dressing container clean.) I tried to beef up cardio and weights and pushups and went on a really grueling (for me) bike excursion with Hubby last Friday.

All this with my lower back pinched nerve/muscle spasm situation causing me to live on Ibuprofen with the occasional Vicodin treat when it gets so bad I can't sit down or stand up without screaming.

And this week? NOTHING. Or maybe 1/2 pound, since it's one of those scales that never really settles down.

Major stinkin' thinkin' is setting in. Definitely potential "Oh I can't lose weight anyway, might as well start binging again" thoughts.

So now I need to figure out where to go....a week of salads (mostly dry) is producing less progress than a week with sandwiches that have heavy amounts of mayo and lots of carbs.

I am doing weights, and muscle weighs more than fat, but it ain't like I'm Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 or anything.

Could be going back to drinking an Odwalla shake around 4AM to get some ibuprofen down down before the gym.

Or it's just my body being obnoxious. In fact, I have a feeling there's quite a bit of guck stuck in my lower intestine at the moment, or wherever that stuff hangs out before it gets to where it can exit the body. Not necessarily 2 lbs worth---I hope, but enough to make a difference.

THIS IS WHY I HATE BOWING DOWN BEFORE THE GREAT SCALE GOD. But lack thereof let me blow up to over 190.

I still FEEL like I'm looking better. And I know it's a process. I'm just frustrated.

I think I'm going to go back to the sandwiches, since the satiety factor was greater and allowed me to feel less "diety" during the day, but the Odwalla shakes have got to go.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 12th, 2013 05:12 pm (UTC)
As someone who is also going through this, try not to let the scale drive you bonkers. I have to weigh myself every day to keep track of things (because of the meds I'm on) and there are days when it doesn't move at all. Or I bounce up and down between two pounds. Or I weigh myself six different times and it gives me six different weights.

It could be you're retaining water. Or it's near that time of the month. Or any number of things. The point is you're eating right and you're working out. That's what counts. If you keep doing all that, you'll lose, however slow it is.

I know, easy to say - especially when you feel like you haven't eaten a damn thing and the numbers still won't change. Times like that I'm ready to throw my scale out the damn window :)

Hang in there! *HUGS*
Jul. 12th, 2013 06:17 pm (UTC)
I will now thank all relevant deities that I don't have to weigh in everyday, as I feel that would be a one-way ticket to the bottom of the dumpster and/or the loony bin. Once a week is fucking me up as it is, but until I can get into the next lower size of clothes it's the only "honesty" mechanism I have.
Jul. 12th, 2013 08:09 pm (UTC)
It is so frustrating. I hear you. I put on 5-7 pounds since my surgery cause I can't exercise and I've eaten so little to try and prevent that!

But, with adding lifting it is possible you are gaining muscle... It weighs more per square inch than fat. :)</p>

Keep it up, the fact that you're doing it is good!

Jul. 12th, 2013 08:22 pm (UTC)
I'm not lifting THAT much....I mean I'm just working toward a smidge of definition and fending off the bingo-wings a/k/a grandma arms.

I think the universe is basically trying to tell me I should have been damn greatful for the 1 1/2 lbs instead of trying to fix something that wasn't broken.

My sympathy on your weight gain if it's making you unhappy.

I really wish we had a way to transcend the societal expectations on our bodies as women, but every time I try to play game, reality smacks HARD in the (oversized) arse.
Jul. 12th, 2013 08:13 pm (UTC)
Ugh fucking scales :( Right now I´m in a place in my crazy where I have to step on the scale every morning. The morning after I eat meat and potatos? 1 lb down. The morning after I have a smoothie for dinner? Nothing. Blah.

I definitely think you should go back to yummy sandwiches, so much diet food will drive you crazy eventually.

I admire your commitment to working out, biking and staying active! Not an easy thing to do. *hugs*
Jul. 12th, 2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks sweetie! It's getting harder and harder with encroaching decrepitude, especially this pinched nerve/muscle spasm thing. I think since I've decided to train for a 5-K again, which means I'm taking the short route on the bike instead of the longer commute for miles that I'm going to commit to trying to get in at least ten miles per day on the bike as well. Since round trip to work is 2.56 X 2, I need to just cycle around my neighborhood for about a 15/20 minutes before putting the bike in the garage for the night.

I feel better with the 1/2 a curried chicken salad that I had for "breakfast" than I did with massive bowl of rabbit food that I had the other days, so it may all work out.

I'm sorry you're in daily weigh-in crazy land, but I'm not in a position to preach against right now. To paraphrase George Clooney in Dusk Til Dawn, I'm a hypocrite, but I'm not a fucking hypocrite.
Jul. 13th, 2013 02:30 am (UTC)
One thing; I have to be careful with taking Advil and the like, because they cause me to retain water.
Jul. 13th, 2013 08:47 pm (UTC)
That's one I hadn't heard before, but I'll keep it in mind, since I'm kind of living on Ibuprofen due to the pinched nerve/muscle spasm situation.
Jul. 13th, 2013 03:01 am (UTC)
I don't know if you want any advice, or just sympathy, but have both *g*

When I took 2010 out of fandom, part of the plan was to lose weight, which I did. Most of my weight was 'vanity' weight, so I was determined to do it properly and slowly (1-2 pounds a MONTH), which meant I needed to be able to know whether I was on the right track despite massive fluctuations. As far as I'm concerned, this is the ONLY way to track weight loss.

(I can't link directly - go to "Signal and Noise" for the method. The entire thing is worth a read, though - I didn't follow all of the advice, but it was enough to give me the encouragement to finally do it.)

It sounds complicated if you're not mathy, but it's really not (I can explain it in simpler terms if you want), and lets you look at a long-term trend despite daily/weekly fluctuations. Maybe you'll like it and maybe you won't, but I thought I'd mention it. Good luck.
Jul. 13th, 2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks sweetie! I'll take a look. I appreciate both sympathy and advice. One of my problem is that after a lifetime on the diet/exercise roller-coaster, I think I know it all, but what I used to know isn't working as well as it used to. My forty-eight year old body doesn't drop weight as well as it did in my 30's, and this time around I binged up faster to a higher place than I remember getting to before.
Jul. 13th, 2013 03:57 am (UTC)
Bear in mind that if you've been losing steadily, sometimes it stops while your body adjusts to its altered state. Or you've gained water weight, or any number of factors. When I was really thin, I weighed myself many times a day, so now I don't have a scale.

I'm obese, but the only times I weigh myself are when I randomly come across a doctor's scale. I've lost some weight over the last year, so it's a nice surprise when the number goes down.

Also, satiety is important. During my recent problems with the In-Laws Who Need To Die In A Fire, I was so miserable I couldn't eat! I could only choke down yogurt and blueberries for the most part. Now that I'm off the Misery Diet, I'm trying to keep my portions reasonably low (or at least reasonable) because it feels nice to have my clothes looser.

I have WAY WAY more issues with my body than this comment indicates, and I'm sleepy. I guess I'm saying don't hate yourself, don't starve yourself, don't think weight loss or gain is something you "deserve."
Jul. 13th, 2013 08:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I sort of "know" all of this, but it's a lesson that needs to be relearned. Today I did a 30 minute run and an hour and 1/2 on the bike. "Deserve" is a good word, since of course I feel so deprived of the crap that got me here in the first place. :)
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )



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