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I feel a binge coming on.

Not a food one, but as we've discussed before, the $$ kind is just as self-destructive and probably has the same roots in my disturbed psyche.

I've been doing well on both fronts. I won't discuss actual weight loss figures here, but let's just say that Yanni noticed I've been losing weight, which is always a good/bad sign. You gotta love a guy whose way of complimenting me is "OMG, you were a whale and now you're...." to which I replied, "What, a cow?"

I have crossed a Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town-I-Con, abetted by my bad lipid results (it was lipids, not triglycerides, by the way. Sorry-my bad.) I've given up my almost-daily consumption of tuna salad on a bagel OR curried chicken salad on foccaccia. Hey, rustydog, I am doing the "tuna salad with yogurt instead of mayo" thing when I'm home...but giving up the deli stuff still hurts.

Anywho---the money, money, money (must be funny, in the rich man's world) has been pretty good, as I pay off the big credit card bill and don't run up any new charges. YAY ME...BUT......my Ipod died. Just...nada. I've tried the reset and the re-charge and...Nada. It had a good life. Two of them actually as I bought it off hllangel after I lost my original classic and then dropped my Nano in water (you don't want to know where) and the rice-trick failed dismally. So we've been together a long time.

I've got a "Genius Bar" appointment at the Apple Store, but if they are unable to perform a ressurection, I need a new Ipod. I can't ride the bike or run or do any kind of exercise without it. No way I can be alone in my head that long. But we really don't have a comfortable cushion right now. What I do have is the almost paid off credit card and a few other clean ones that I've accumulated along the way. So you're thinking, ok, one Ipod...not the end of the world. You'll pay off the card a little later than you planned.

But you see---the MINUTE the alcoholic/drug addict/compulsive overeater equivalent thinking gets into one's head...well you know, I'm off next week and Burke Williams is having a special on Hot Rock Massages and I really want to do another accupuncture treatment and I really really need some new bike pants, which I most certainly deserve for losing all this weight no?

It's almost exactly the same process as the "I can have some whiskey in my milk" story from the Big Book of Alcholics Anonymous.

What can I say, kiddies? Being an addict is a bitch.

Why can't the sign-ups for yuletide start already, so I could obsess about that?


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 4th, 2013 12:32 am (UTC)
Hee, that wasn't my suggestion I don't think (because... no way I would eat that), but go you!

I totally sympathise with the food/$$$ thing, though. Simple fact of life - if I eat less, I want to spend more. You could almost put it on a bloody graph.
Oct. 4th, 2013 12:37 am (UTC)
Thanks! I'll go back over my comments and give "credit" where due.

Addiction is addiction---it has to come out somehow. That's wny Geneen Roth's first law of dieting is that for every diet there is an equal and alternate binge.
Oct. 4th, 2013 03:17 am (UTC)
Do you need a Nano or would an old school iPod do? I have one I never use anymore. But it's hard to run with, I suppose because of the size and weight compared to the Nano. On the other hand, free. Let me know.
Oct. 4th, 2013 03:55 am (UTC)
I'm good. The folks at the Genius Bar were unable to perform a resurrection, but in penance for their abject failure, they sold me a new "Classic" for like $65.00, which is a much better deal than I was expecting. I'm definitely a "Classic" gal. The Nano doesn't hold nearly enough. My current Itunes library is up to 10,341 songs.
Oct. 4th, 2013 03:26 am (UTC)
I feel your pain. I haven't posted about it (and probably won't for a bit while I try to cope and figure out wtf next), but I just got some bad news medically that's going to require an immediate and drastic change of diet. I'm diabetic, it's fucking with my eyes, and since I have zero money or insurance, well, getting it taken care of is going to be Very Challenging. Meanwhile, I'm going to have to give up most of the foods I love. Shoot me now....

And what did I do upon emerging from the doc's office? I/We went thrifting! Which might have been therapeutic if I hadn't run out of steam after a half hour and sat the rest of the trip out. Still, I'm happy with my own shrinkage--for the first time in the 30+ years I've known her, GK and are close to the same size! I've borrowed a couple garments from her since I've been here, which has been surreal.

Good luck with your iPod, I hope they can resurrect it!

Oct. 4th, 2013 03:58 am (UTC)
I got a replacement considerably cheaper than I was anticipating and that seems to have quelled the need to the financial version of self-harm.

I'm so sorry to hear about the health thing. That sucks, especially when you're doing so much in terms of dietary modification anyway. The fact that I have to give up my tuna salad in the name of lipids is griping my guts no end. I can certain understand the urge to splurge.

Oct. 4th, 2013 07:06 am (UTC)
Oh good lord, I hear you. I gave myself a free pass for this week, as I knew starting a new job would send me into a tailspin anyway, and adding the 'must be good' pressure as well would have messed with my head. To my slight surprise, some good habits are starting to be ingrained, and while I've been off the eating plan, I haven't been off the charts, and I managed to talk myself out of spending a fortune on new stationery. But the fact that I have to do that, to stop and think about every decision from what I put in my mouth to where I put my credit card number? It's so damn tiring.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble at you - it's been a long week!

What I mean to say was that it sounds like you're doing brilliantly on the eating front, and pretty well on the spending too. And most of all, THANK YOU for these posts. I'm hopeless at remembering to comment, but I read them, and it helps so much to know that it's not just me having food struggles. I'm getting back on track at the weekend by bribing myself with a tapas feast (all homemade, so low-everything) and a shiny new lunchbox shaped like an owl (present from Z :D). But also reading things like this and being encouraged that I'm not just crazy.

Hope you have a good weekend, and thanks :)
Oct. 4th, 2013 08:28 pm (UTC)
Hi Sweetie! I haven't been really good about commenting on your posts either. I'm reading them, but there isn't a lot about your work situation that I feel particularly qualified to opine about. Of course in the old LJ days that wouldn't have stopped either of us, but things are definitely different now.

Maybe I say I'm MADLY jealous of your owl-shaped lunch box and demand that you post pictures immediately?
Oct. 4th, 2013 04:53 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel about the iPod thing, I'd go crazy if I didn't have my tunes for public transit. David Bowie keeps me from killing people on the bus.
Oct. 4th, 2013 08:29 pm (UTC)
Of course sometimes I still call it my Walkman and get VERY odd looks, especially from the young'uns.
Oct. 5th, 2013 04:51 pm (UTC)
I actually still have a discman. I can't afford an iPod. If they don't like it fuck em.
Oct. 4th, 2013 08:17 pm (UTC)
I hear you about the money thing. An almost paid off credit card and "a few clean ones"? Cut up all but the one with LOWEST credit limit, and make sure when you close the accounts, that they say, "Account closed by owner." It does wonders for your credit score.

Also, depending on your almost paid off credit card, after you've paid it,consider having the limit lowered (we did that and I've been eternally grateful). I've been in bad credit trouble, and right now two of my friends are struggling. I'm one of those "I'll take one in every color--or, and I NEED that long formal gown! It's blue!" people.

Recently I abruptly stopped another compulsive behavior, and the anxiety repercussions have been through the roof. Change sucks.
Oct. 4th, 2013 08:32 pm (UTC)
You're right. I'm really not safe having any plastic in my possession, but part of the bad programming I'm fighting is the idea that the card is a safety net, when in fact it's really a mine-field.

I lucked out. Even thought the "Genius" was unable to resurrect my Ipod, he was able to sell me a new one at about a third of what I was anticipating and putting less than $100.00 on the card has (at least for the time being) derailed the need/want to up the ante of self-destructiveness.

I'm sort of weirded out, but oddly encouraged by how many people really GET that the food/spending addiction really is the same disease.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )



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