karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,
karaokegal
karaokegal

Everything hurts!

Body and soul.
The heatwave isn't helping. It was nice and then it went from nice to UGH, just at the same time I had a scale encounter than I shouldn't have followed by a binge and now I wish I were dead.

Here are some things I hate about binging.


Pain.
The moment when your mouth stops enjoying the taste and you know it's stopped, but you can't stop shoveling.
Hot shits.
Constipation.
Self-hatred.
Sugar hangovers.
The moment you find a "perfect food" and it's too late because you've stuffed on something imperfect and bought something else.
Spending money on food that you realize you can't eat, because you're too sick to eat more or it's not going to get eaten in time.
Running out of binergy before you can shovel all the food you want to.
Throwing food out because it's almost midnight and if I'm still eating at 1201A, the binge will go into the next day and that MUST NOT HAPPEN.
Throwing food out so hubby will not know I've been binging.
Talking to hubby while I'm "sugar drunk" and I know I sound like a fucking junkie and I'm obliquely telling him I'm binging in such a way that I know he won't understand.
Being out in the world and looking AMAZING because it's a heatwave and the bartenders at the Mint haven't seen you "unlayered" in months and now they're all, OMG, you look great, but you feel like shit cos you're binging and shoveling Jelly Bellys while acting all modest and golly gee, and thanks.

Waking up with every single fiber of your being in physical and psychic pain.
Detox.
Waiting to feel physical hunger again, so you can get back on the wagon with "clean" food.
Too much pain to get back to the gym, so you have to live with the gross corpulent revulsion of what you've done to yourself.

Having to function at work with self-hatred, sugar hangover etc.

ETA: FUCKING UP AT WORK BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKED UP ON SUGAR AND WAY MORE INTERESTED IN BINGING THAN SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO

Did I mention I wish I were dead?
And Oh yeah, it's my performance review day. Bwhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhhaahahahah
Tags: blog, diet, exercise, journal, personal
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