karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,
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Amazing week-Psychic Spring Cleaning

So this is what it's like not to be in emotional pain ALL THE TIME.

The most important thing of course is being FREE of the Desk of Doom. They haven't emailed or called and I'm finally starting to believe that whatever happens there: It's not my problem.



Sunday, I went to a memorial gathering for Tom Katz, who was my manager at Getz Travel from 1994 to 2000. This had been a continuing story for some time. He was missing and then remains were found and finally identified.

It was a super-emotional and socially awkward afternoon, but very much needed, both for closure for Tom's friends, but also about seeing people, both ones I'm still in touch with and some I haven't seen in nearly 20 years.

It was excruciating. It was beautiful. Glad I went.

To try and heal some of the mental/physical crap, I've been to the 7AM Morning Flow class at Laughing Lotus Yoga Center followed by whatever meditation or prayer session comes immediately afterwards. On Monday and Friday, this was Shambhala meditation with Alice, which is similar to the Zazen that Hubby practices and has been pushing me towards, Tuesday and Thursday was Kirtan. Basically call and response chanting. Wednesday was .Pranayama. That was really hard because I don't have the breathing technique to let out breath in a controlled way through the nose.

I LOVED the Kirtan. I definitely got a "spiritual high" out of it, which I know is really just a chemical response and that in fact, this is really NOT a meditation for me because instead of using the chants to look inward, I use the music to lose myself. However, anything that switches me from a cortisol factory of anxiety and fear and turns on some endorphins and sends me out into the day smiling is a valuable tool.

By today, I actually felt an improvement in my physical practice. Mind you, I'm still incredibly unlimber and dorky on the mat, but I had some sense of where the sequences were going and could smooth out some of the transitions.

I'm really hoping I can get a work schedule that would allow me to keep up this pattern or some variation once the training period is done. Next week I might try for classes after 6pm, but those tend to be more advanced.

Monday, I had a session with Peggy to work on my plank and squat form. She's still on me to quit running. I'm starting to think she's right, but I'm still behaving like an addict. I'll stop AFTER I get one more 1/2 marathon under my belt before I'm 50. Then I plan to transition to the paleo/primal guidelines of "lift heavy things, walk a lot, sprint a little."

I also went to an OA meeting because Peggy asked me. It didn't make me want to binge or need an AA meeting, but it didn't make me want to run out and get an OA sponsor either. I still can't let go of the program I knew in the 80's even though Peggy keeps assuring me it's changed. That bothers me too. If it had to change, why should I believe it's better now?

Tuesday, I did a long run...got about 8 1/2 miles before both my Garmin Forerunner and my knees gave out.

That night I had a lovely dinner at Marketbar with Yanni, in gratitude for helping me buy the interview suit and just for being a friend and putting up with my whinging and pissing and moaning about the Desk of Doom until I finally got the balls to do something about it.

It was nice for Yanni to see the Bsy Lights as he hadn't seen them before and thought they were gone.

Wednesday I went to Alameda to see my former co-worker, Steve. You know, the one who walked out on me on a Friday afternoon at 430PM. Mostly I went to see if he was going to apologize, which he did, albeit somewhat defensively. At least I know he really did crack. It wasn't like he'd gotten another job and just couldn't face giving notice. He's not working at all. I think he cashed out his 401-K and is being supported by his partner...nice work if you can get it.

It was lovely getting to meet his smooth fox terriers, Stryker and Mandy, who I'd known vicariously for years. We took a long, very brisk walk with the doggies, so that was my other major exercise for the day, along with hopefully letting go of my resentment toward Steve. Maybe. A bit.

Thursday I walked downtown to turn in the security card I "accidentally" forgot to give back when I left on Friday. Oops! Hey, I like having options for peeing when I'm downtown, but I guess not this one. Then I went up to Charles Schwab and arranged to get some money from my 401-K to tide me over between pay checks. I did not cash out MY WHOLE ACCOUNT! Just a smidge which I will pay tax on next year so that I can pay my rent this month.

And finally today, Hubby and I went downtown to pick up the check, get the check into our bank account and shop for a telephone so I can do the virtual training.

I've had nails done and eye-brows waxed. Sunday is HAIR DAY!

I'm in Day 11 of my current Whole30, but I've been having nut issues. So today is Day 1-NO NUTS.

Hopefully I'm ready for the rest of my life.



Tags: blog, diet, exercise, food, nails, personal, work
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