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I really think this is the right job for me, and that I can fit in with this company and be a happy camper. There's a very small group of us and it was made clear that we are going to be the 'face' of the company, so being picked for this is quite prestigious.

BUT---I'm afraid I'm going to fuck up. I got into the food BIG TIME yesterday and when I eat i get stupid and I fuck up.

Peggy is still pushing me to OA...and I am having a Dickens of a time getting past my 80's OA feelings, my Daddy OA feelings, my resentments and judgements against every speshul snoflake with a deviation in self description etc. On the other hand...I did a scale reality check and folks....it ain't pretty.

I wonder if I'd even be able to find an OA sponsor who'd agree that my abstinence could be the Paleo guidelines plus my per personal Paleo guidelines, which for the moment are no nuts, no carrots and no dried fruit, since I basically binge on those and then head for for the gluten/sugar/dairy anyway.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
cuddyclothes
Aug. 26th, 2014 12:53 pm (UTC)
I am SO GLAD you like the new job! (BTW, as to your last post, I didn't see it as "spewing negativity," I read it as journal entries from a friend.)

OH do I know the "got what I want at last/I'll fuck it up/oh lookey, my friend FOOD!" rigmarole. After a recent achievement, I binged big-time on peanut butter, eating it straight out of the jar with a spoon. (hugs)

Be gentle with yourself.
karaokegal
Aug. 26th, 2014 01:34 pm (UTC)
I did share some feelings at a meeting last night. I have so much resistance though...especially since I'm clean and sober a zillion years so I "know" program.

I'm glad I've had the LJ forum to share in, although seriously---if you go through the tag and just read the posts about my job...I know I'd be tempted to just smack myself and say something a long the lines of get out or STFU!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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