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First the anxiety, then the anger and depression.
If I were in my disease I would have been trying to sneak food at the desk, or just not cared and stuffed my face at the desk.
I had my snack at 4 and my dinner at 7.
No binging.
I was up at 445AM wanting to eat, and part of my abstinence is that I don't eat breakfast until after 5AM (because part of my disease is the night-eating I acquired either by nature or nurture from my father). I took a hot bath and made sure I didn't eat my first bite until 501A
The world appears to be going to hell in a bucket. I'm just grateful I'm in the Program, Abstinent of compulsive eating, drugs and alcohol, and that it's been two years (as of November 6) in my wonderful job, which I honestly believe has saved my life. If I were still in my old Desk of Doom job to be the political junkie I was for most of my life, I'd probably have blown up to over 200 lbs by now and been an utter wench/wretch to everyone who crossed my path in the last few months.
I'm not saying I'm recovered, or not a wench, or a wonderful person.
I'm saying I'm better, I'm trying to be of service, live the steps etc.
I definitely have resentments against the butt-hurt Bernie-bots who couldn't let go and continued to be echo-chambers for every bit of anti-Hillary BS that came down the pike and in deference to my old wenchy self:


Now I'm going to take a hot bath and get ready for work.

It's also time for some Facebook unfriending. It'll be better for all of us.



( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 9th, 2016 06:39 pm (UTC)
I feel like I want to hug all of my American friends right now. And Hillary too. I just watched some excerpts of her speech - Bill in the background, biting his lip hard :(

I have one online friend who is traditionally Republican. She voted for a write-in candidate (she tweeted a pic of her postal ballot form) and announced this morning she was dumping the GOP for good. There's a space person I haven't seen appear online yet who is a longtime Republican but tweeted a few times about how rude & unchristian Trump is. I don't want to get to the stage where I feel I have no choice but to turn my back on him because he's been friendly & personable in the past. But I think the big thing for me to combat personally is wider friends & family members displaying apathy or not-my-problem-ness or suggesting Americans had it coming to them. They are rarely able to back an argument with evidence but it doesn't stop them.

I tweeted last night that The Doctor will save us (if we run if needed). I keep seeing Earthling Doctors around online - JK Rowling, and Hillary Clinton too of course. I've been retweeting so many tweets about how we need to work together, eg how to support Muslim women if they're being harassed for wearing a veil, anything so we can be stronger together.
Nov. 10th, 2016 04:54 pm (UTC)
exactly how is some kids' book writer supposed to save the world from Trump's bigoted fuckwaddery?
Nov. 9th, 2016 06:44 pm (UTC)
Good for you for staying strong.

I can't believe this endless anti Hillary bs I´ve been seeing here. We talked about the elections a lot today at work, and so many people were like 'yeah, of the two evils I would much rather have Hillary' and I would always ask them what Hillary has done that's so bad, and nobody could answer me. This shit has people with no knowledge of her or American politics in general just blindly repeating this and it is driving me crazy!
Nov. 11th, 2016 01:07 am (UTC)
I've lived through so many ugly campaigns. I thought it couldn't get much worse than 1988 or the racist rubbish that's been thrown at President Obama since day one, but this was seriously mind boggling.
Nov. 10th, 2016 04:42 pm (UTC)
I didn't binge and I exercised my ass off and I fucking gained six pounds anyway.
Nov. 11th, 2016 01:09 am (UTC)
The scale is evil and chronic cardio isn't always our friend. I've actually (at least for the time being) gotten to that place where the not binging is so much more important that the physical outcome.
Nov. 10th, 2016 10:55 pm (UTC)
I didn't want to drink because I knew it would make things 1000 times worse. But I did inhale a chicken parmesan hero on Election Night. It was my choice.
Nov. 11th, 2016 01:12 am (UTC)
Understood. Since the food is my main addiction, I didn't have the option to open the door even a smidge.

I was joking with my husband about California legalizing pot and how at least we could do that. He said I shouldn't joke because for him that's one that's still a temptation. He's been clean and sober since 1987, so I was surprised to hear the temptation was still there, and yet addiction is addiction.
Nov. 12th, 2016 01:11 am (UTC)
I'm sorry for the outcome. Very glad you've handled it as well as you have been able to. I am still feeling shock, honestly.
Nov. 13th, 2016 07:28 pm (UTC)
I may just be in denial as to the true awfulness, but for the time being, just staying in the moment, and keeping my little corner of the Universe clean.
Nov. 14th, 2016 04:33 am (UTC)
That could be the case for me too. But all we can do is stay in the moment and do what we can, isn't it?
Dec. 2nd, 2016 01:12 am (UTC)
I kinda envy you. You can binge. Apparently having your gallbladder out completely zaps your power to binge. If you try, you will become ill. And if you're on medication that turns off your sense of hunger you can unknowingly binge. So now I'm on a medication that makes alcohol and narcotics useless as a side effect to help with weight loss and help me lose weight. And that's why I haven't been on livejournal. I've been struggling with my health lately. And I finally feel well enough as well as remembering the fact I have a blog.

So long time, no see, by the way.
Dec. 3rd, 2016 04:55 am (UTC)
Hi sweetie!
As far as I'm concerned, no, I can't. If I take the first compulsive bit and start binging again, I will lose everything, as much as if my main addiction were alcohol or drugs. Also no amount of pain or sickness would stop me if I wanted to binge. I've binge to the point of sickness many times. I'm somewhat grateful that I never figured out how to purge, although it pissed me off many times when I was hardcore into my disease.
I don't want to come off like a Big Book thumper, but if I hadn't gone back to program, I'd be back over 191 now and out of work and maybe dead...certainly spiritually lost.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )



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