karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,
karaokegal
karaokegal

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I wanted to binge last night more than I have in over a year.

First the anxiety, then the anger and depression.
If I were in my disease I would have been trying to sneak food at the desk, or just not cared and stuffed my face at the desk.
I had my snack at 4 and my dinner at 7.
No binging.
I was up at 445AM wanting to eat, and part of my abstinence is that I don't eat breakfast until after 5AM (because part of my disease is the night-eating I acquired either by nature or nurture from my father). I took a hot bath and made sure I didn't eat my first bite until 501A
The world appears to be going to hell in a bucket. I'm just grateful I'm in the Program, Abstinent of compulsive eating, drugs and alcohol, and that it's been two years (as of November 6) in my wonderful job, which I honestly believe has saved my life. If I were still in my old Desk of Doom job to be the political junkie I was for most of my life, I'd probably have blown up to over 200 lbs by now and been an utter wench/wretch to everyone who crossed my path in the last few months.
I'm not saying I'm recovered, or not a wench, or a wonderful person.
I'm saying I'm better, I'm trying to be of service, live the steps etc.
I definitely have resentments against the butt-hurt Bernie-bots who couldn't let go and continued to be echo-chambers for every bit of anti-Hillary BS that came down the pike and in deference to my old wenchy self:

A HEARTY FUCK YOU TO THE STATE OF FLORIDA!

Now I'm going to take a hot bath and get ready for work.

It's also time for some Facebook unfriending. It'll be better for all of us.
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