Contemplation

And I'm just not there yet. I was in the Cory Camp and now that he's out, I'm not feeling passionate about anyone. I don't hate Joe Biden, but I know what happens when either party nominates someone just because it's "their turn." I also worry that the longer it takes to winnow down the field, the more time the Psycho-In-Chief's crazed followers have to solidify their position.

I honestly don't know if ANY of our guys/gals can get it down. The last time we took out a sitting President was '92 and as much as I villified George H. W. Bush at the time, we now know he was a gem and a joy compared to everything that's come after. Plus whatever short-comings Bill Clinton had as a human beings (and I'd still vote for him again) he was an absolutely charismatic power-house campaigner and had an equally powerful team around him who were willing to do whatever it took.

Sanders is good, but on the Charisma scale, he's no Bill Clinton and even on the inspiration scale, I'm not sure he's a Barack Obama.

Believe it or not, I'm still taking Mayor Pete somewhat seriously.

No matter what happens, and it might be truly horrible, including "Four More Years," my personal development and spiritual path are still my prime focus. I used to be so obsessed with politics that it drove me round the bend when things didn't go my way. In a way, Politics was my fandom after I left Star Trek (original series) and Sci-Fi and before I came back to Fandom via House/LJ/Torchwood. And if you remember how I reacted when canon didn't do what I wanted in those, then you have some idea of the temper tantrum I threw on election night 1988, for example.

What can I say? I was young and I was actively in my addiction.

On election night 2016, I was working and as soon as Florida went (it's always Florida) I knew it was all over, and yes, I was upset, but I was also abstinent and determined to stay emotionally sane. My promise then was "More love, more hugs, more mantras."

To that I have to add that I'm learning that everything is perfect, even if everything is terrible. And I need to keep meditating.

Can you tell I've been listening to a lot of Ram Dass talks lately?

One thing I will say...much as I love Rachel, I still miss having Keith as an active cheerleader in the political arena. Everytime I look up at the TV screen in the Lounge that has ESPN on and I see him I wave and blow a kiss.


TL;DR Too many dicks on the floor, even if some of them are boobs.

Ch, ch, changes..
I'm off Instagram, Twitter and Tumbler.
I've quit Words With Friends, Four Pictures; One Word, Bejeweled, and Cubis Gold.
The goal is sleep. I've got my "dream schedule" again, of five closing nights (245PM-1115PM) and Saturday/Sunday off, but this ONLY works if I get enough sleep and the social media, games and, very sadly Yuletide were all major obstacles to that.
I'm still practicing yoga and Laughing Lotus switched the early class to 645AM on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Morning Mantras are gone, so I'm going to Integral Yoga to chant on Tuesdays.
Since staying up till all hours is no longer an option, I'm using (at least today) Thursday as a get things done on-line, including working on the OA Newsletter that is part of one of my service commitments.
Lots of letting go of attachments. Since Ram Dass left his body, I've been listening to his talks nearly nonstop when I go to sleep, and I'm still trying to work a rigorous program around all these issues.
The last one is still my determination to get the LJ fics imported over to A03. I'm working on the drabbles from 2010. Yes 10 whole years ago, but I just can't leave it half done.
Look for me on Facebook for the puppy and paleo pictures and very casual postings.
I'll stay on LJ/DW for longer, more personal, and political musings.

Happy New Year, everybody.
Namaste!

Private yoga lesson with my favorite teacher-CHECK!
Massage that I've been promising myself since hubby broke his arm-CHECK

And now I'm set up at a coffee shop, prepared to write and consume caffeine until I have a first draft or I get thrown out.

yuletide marches on!
🤪

The bad news is that LJ is getting less and less functional for me in terms of being able to post pictures, especially since pretty much every thing is happening on my Iphone. At the moment, it's not even letting make a new LJ Scrapbook album. I might figure it out eventually, but I can't be arsed at the moment.

Soooooo the rest of the pictures can be found here:


Google Pictures

or

Facebook

And could someone let me know, if you can't see that? Still trying to figure out cross platform pollination as it were.


I didn't stay out that late. I was just glad to be able to do a really nice costume this year. Last year I went very low-effort and Yanni called me out on it and at the time I thought, OK, I'll make it up to him next year. I hope he would have like this one. I think I looked hot and I was wearing a lot of damn petticoats. Plus I had a very handsome cowboy to accompany me.

I also felt it was a bit trivial to be worrying about Halloween in light of the fires still going on in Marin County, but Halloween is Halloween.

Hello Lovely Yuletide Writer!
If we matched on any of these fandoms, I'm thrilled to find a kindred spirit. If you are taking me on as pinch-hit, then you are a Yuletide angel. Either way, thank you in advance. I hope I'm giving you something that will make the writing part of your Yuletide a positive experience.

Optional Details Are Optional, but here are my thoughts and passions to help inspire you.

Things I love:
Angst, snark, punchy dialogue, characters smoking, hot smut, guilt-ridden UST. I don't mind a bit of BDSM D/s dynamic as long it's in character. Iddy adoration for cigarettes and for one character getting off to the sound another's voice going into graphic detail about what they'd like to do and how much the other one will enjoy it. This could be phone sex or perhaps in person, in a situation where the actual touching isn't safe or can't happen for some other reason, or just as foreplay, because it's hot. I'm OK with noncon or dubcon, unless otherwise specified.
Period or character-appropriate booze, drugs, cigarettes are always welcome.


DNW: ABO, AU, gender-swaps, cross-overs unless noted. Pregnancy (M or F). Kidfic.

Please note my absolute and total DNW for The Wire: Jimmy raping Kima. NO NO NO NO!!!!


The Wire
Jimmy McNulty
Kima Greggs

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Singin' In The Rain
Lina Lamont
Don Lockwood
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The Hour
Adam LeRay
Marnie Madden
Hector Madden
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Glam Rock RPF
Bryan Ferry
David Bowie
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The Big Sleep
Acme Bookstore Proprietress
Female Taxi Driver
Vivian Rutledge
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Is calling my name, even though I know it's a badbadbadbadbad idea.

One of the major issues in my life is the precarious balance between sleep/exercise/caffeine/work. Any endeavour that eventually includes the phrase, "I'm going to get myself jacked up on caffeine so I can finish this." is a sure-fire one-way ticket to something really bad going down mentally or physically, and it's exactly what happened to me last year.

On the other hand...TRADITION. And so much fun, or at least so much emotion and adrenaline.

On the other other hand, an inevitable "post partum depression" even if I get a lovely gift-fic and enough positive comments not to trigger the old "comment crack whore/nobody loves me" syndrome.

Hilariously, I actually thought/hoped Bohemian Rhapsody might be eligible.

Who's in?
Who's out?
Who wants to be my hand-holding/talk me down/beta-buddy if I do go for it?

Gratitude turns everything we have into what we need and more.
Hubby had his gallbladder out yesterday. Before that he had about three weeks of pain, nausea, gastro-intestinal nastiness etc. For the past eight months we've been dealing with the broken arm.
Part of me is feeling that my entire year was given over to his health.

On the other hand...
First world problems.
He has insurance (at least for the time being.)
None of this is currently life-threatening.
The biggest concern is how much I'm going to have to accept what he'll be able to eat...in other words I've already had to un-embargo the rice. I'm still holding the line on wheat/soy, but it's going to be a tough sell when his snack options are limited and my FAT IS AWESOME standards aren't applicable to his post-gall bladder body. So my ego is definitely a factor here.
While I'm whinging about poor, pitiful me, keep in mind: I got to go to Kirtan camp. I went to NYC.



I haven't binged in five years, one month, and about two week. I still love my job.

One of the chants we did yesterday at Morning Mantras was Sita Ram.
Sita didn't give up when the demon wanted her to marry him.
Ram didn't give up trying to find Sita when the demon had taken her away.
They didn't get overwhelmed when they were living in exile together.

I'm going to be 55 in about two weeks and I'm in (kanine hora) great health, including abstinence from binging and sobriety from drugs/alcohol.

I've got NOTHING to complain about.

vi

I'm not there yet, but I will be. I've been chasing the customer service award for four years because my co-worker Allen won it in the first year we were both at the Lounge and I (or at least my ego) have a competitive streak. I'm hopefully not quite the same psycho who used to have Crack-whore melt-downs when other writers in my fandoms and especially my ships got more comments than I did, but I still want ALL THE LOVE. Of course I'm not getting ALL THE LOVE because Allen got the Team Leader job, but every day I thank all the deities for that. Because right now being the Team Leader sucks!

Anyway...Customer Service Award gets a trip to NYC, fancy hotel, meet the CEO and see a Broadway show.

I was born in New York and therefore I can sing Native New Yorker with total justification. However I've lived in San Francisco for over 30 years and the last time I was actually in Manhattan, I had a bit of a panic attack in the middle of Times Square. For this trip I'm less worried about crowds than I am about food and clothes. There's a bunch of meals that I will not have total control over. I've just celebrated five years of not binging. I'm not going to blow it now. (One day at a time, but the grace of God.)

They provided a list of food restrictions and I gave them the whole shebang. Gluten free, Grain free, dairy free, no soy or legums, Paleo. I'm still bringing some salami, nuts and measuring cup with me.

Then there's the clothing. HOLY SHIT!!!! This trip has a series of events, including a photo op with the CEO and there's an actual dress code for each one. Business Casual, Smart Casual, and (get ready for it) Evening Chic. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! For the last five years, I've either worn my work uniform or yoga clothes. I hate shopping for clothes and since Yanni shuffled off this mortal coil, I no longer have a gay male in my life who I trust to be brutally honest with me AND talk me down from any body dysmorphia in the fitting room flare-ups.

My game plan right now is to try TJ MAXX, Nordstrom Rack and Macy's with an eye out for shirt-dresses. I'll also have to wear panty-hose and worst of all cram myself into a bra.

Be careful what you wish for my friends.

Just for the record, I'm also honored and supremely grateful for the award and my job. I'm just a little freaked out right now.