Contemplation

How can I sleep when that psycho-women has just launched her so-called "Kraken" lawsuits and Trumps legions of Brown Shirts are jumping around and howling like rabid babboons?

I know I'm powerless, that I have to turn it over, let go; let god...but I'm failing epically. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in three weeks and I'm so traumatized from the ghosts of 2000 and the fear of what's been done to the judiciary that I'm convinced he's going to get away with it via SCOTUS and the House.

It's not a game that plays to my strengths, whatever they may be, at all.
Unfortunately hubby has adopted chess as one of his lockdown interests/obsessions and although he is now playing games on chess.com, I'm playing at least one a day on days off. It's about being agreeable. I do manage to win sometimes, if hubby gets distracted and makes a dumb move, but statistically not doing that great.

Maybe I can dig up a Scrabble set and try and get something on the agenda that I have a better chance at.

(We're watching the Queen's Gambit on Netflix. I wonder how much child abuse I have to sit through to get something about chess.)

I'm going back to the Lounge!!!!!!!
I survived 4 months in customer service hell....ok, let me rephrase that, I was lucky enough to have a well-paying job in the safety of my own home during a pandemic, when many people had no jobs or had to go out and risk their health to stay gainfully employed. In other words, I am one entitled first world bitch. Having said that...customer service sucks and/or I suck at it. The whole culture of "good is not good enough" left me traumatized from people yelling at me, people who were distraught that I couldn't actually help, people of mature years without their hearing aids attempting to negotiate the website, and anxiety that at any minute I was screwing up and would get fired.
The worst was the feeling that this was never going to end.
But it is.
And I didn't get into the food. Gratitude for the Program, my Sponsor, Sponsees, program fellows, zoom meetings and my higher power.
Much love to my husband for putting up with some big-time mishegas through all this, when during the same time he was working three nights a week and had at least two exposure scares. Miraculously we have not killed eachother.
@@@@@@
Answer to a question nobody is asking: No. I'm not doing Yuletide this year. Possibly never again, but not this year. Not nominating, not signing up, not looking for pinch hits or writing treats.
I'm proud of the stories I wrote the past two years, but I just don't have the emotional energy anymore.
I did get great stories, but ending up on the Pinch Hit list two years in a row doesn't say much for me being in synch with general YT Zeitgeist.
@@@@@@
Last night I was watching Jay's Virtual Pub Quiz and there back-to-back questions: 1. Who played Jack Harkness in Dr. Who and Torchwood? 2. Who played Dr. Greg House? It was like someone had been monitoring the two characters I was most obsessed with between 2006 and 2013. Even more so when you remember that the gateway drug to my Jack obsession was being asked to beta a Wilson/Jack crossover fic.
Plus I got a Birmingham question correct recently because I remembered the Bullring from the Squeeee Odyssey of 2009.
Good times.
@@@@@@@
Love to you all. Stay Safe. Be Kind.
I'm Going Back To The LOUNGE!!!!!!!!!!

First time since Lockdown.
SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

In reverse order
Covid-I wear my mask exactly much as I need to in order to function in society. Bus, stores, if I have to approach people outside or walk with friends. Left to my own, it's off the minute I can. I've tried to believe that either I need to protect myself or be inconvenienced for the greater good. I know people have died and ventilators are horrible. No sense of risk whatsoever. (I realize this also makes me a germ-ridden pariah who is threatening herd immunity by my very existence.)

Colon Cancer-There possible family history and I'm 55 years old. I still refused to have a colonoscopy due to inconvenience and over-all grossness of the prep. I did a "poop by mail" test and haven't heard anything back from my doctor. Not going out of my way to follow up with her.
Slight concern.

Breast Cancer. Family history. Friends.
I don't mind getting the girls getting squished once a year, as long as my insurance covers it. I was LIVID when I got dragged back to check out some "assymetry" and it turned out to be nothing and the insurance didn't cover it.
More worried about not telling anyone if it does happen because I can't imagine surgery or chemo being tolerable.

Sun.
We had a heat wave and I was still outside with my arms covered, legs covered and a floppy hat.
Whatever's going to get me, it ain't gonna be melanoma. "The sun is far too sultry and one most avoid it's ultry-violet rays.
SUN....skin cancer...sunburn. That scares me.

@@@@@
Lockdown update.
I finally finished Good Omens-took over a year.
I finally finished the 2014 June 9/June 16 New Yorker Double Issue-Love Stories. I've been working on it since we came home. That was the middle of March. Hey, it was a double issue, lots of stories.

I can play Ode to Joy on the Harmonium, but I only learned it so I could use the tune to chant Rama Bolo.

Is my loathing of any and all "subscriptions" or services that can be enrolled in on-line, but can only be escaped from via phone call.
I've finally extricated myself from Paypal Credit after MONTHS of paying the 99 cent per month fee, because actually making the bloody phone call felt so daunting.

One thing I have to do in my customer service role is dispute charges and it's amazing how many people get themselves stuck on "free intros" and then feel helpless to cancel the monthly charges that follow. But it's not amazing, because it's exactly what happened with Paypal Credit.

@@@@@

Continuing our Crown-watching....
Clancy Brown's LBJ was a vast improvement over Michael C. Hall's JFK.
I miss Matt Smith's cheek-bones and Matthew Goode's everything.
Charles Dance as Mountbatten reminded me how much I love his dramatic readings during the Big Fat Quiz and how even more gutted I'm going to be when...well it's not exactly a spoiler, but you know....
@@@@@@

Newest obsession: Taskmaster! We're on Series 6. I love how predictably there's at least one chick, one person of color, one young, white comedian and one old guy/old broad and how many of them I've seen on at least one other panel show.

No idea what I'm in the process of becoming right now, but I really hope it's a better person.

Five months into the lock-down and my inner Karen is a constant presence.

On the other hand, Hubby and I haven't killed eachother (or ourselves) yet. We have spent a lot of $$$ on various toys, however.

I quote from Hubby's Facebook.

"I finally replaced my entry level fiddle with one that I’ll be happy to play for the rest of my life. The old one, an E. Martin, (who was a relative of C.F.Martin of guitar fame) had developed a crack in the top that had gone almost all the way through. I went to Roland Feller Violins and he showed me some Neuner & Hornsteiner violins from Mittenwald Germany. They were all 19th century instrument They were all 19th century instruments. My first fiddle was an N&H which I sold for a ridiculously low price 15 years ago after I broke my wrist. I’ve regretted it ever since. I’m really happy with this one though. It’s VERY loud, it’s so resonant it feels like the sound echoes inside it. It’s very comfortable to play. It’s really beautiful with a lovely chocolate brown lacquer and rosewood tailpiece and chinrest. It’s got geared Perfection pegs so I don’t need fine tuners apart from the one on the E string that all fiddles seem to come with."

Is it true that there's no way to sort my Gmail inbox, rather than received date?
@@@@@
I've never felt shame or guilt about writing RPF, but there's something very unsettling about when a real-life figure croaks after I've written them as a character.

RIP Grant Imahara!

@@@@@



Work is still pretty emotional, although there have been improvements. I can't really go into detail, but I'm just not cut out for this particular brand of customer service and it's a lot of Good Times, Bad Times, you know I've had my share. Including a card member who insisted on a Supervisor and when I tried to determine if I could assist him, said, "I don't have time to educate you." I've also had variations on "Is this your first day?"

At least I'm able to practice Yoga with Adriana three times a week on Zoom and I got another chance for a "sneak" appointment with Sebastian to get my roots touched up again.

@@@@@
Finished 4 series of Grantchester
( Collapse )

But still....ROBSON GREEN!


Also semi-binging The Crown.
Loving the snark, the sneering, Matt Smith's cheekbones, and Matthew Goode's EVERYTHING. (You know I'm a sucker for an "Anything that moves" kind of guy.) Very impressed with the writing and acting for David and Wallis. Plus....hey, Jared Harris.
Also, I have now decided that not only are there only 5 actors in the UK, but that it is literally impossible for me to watch any UK Telly without encountering Anna Chancellor at some point. Mind you, this is in no way a bad thing.
Right up until the JFK/Jackie episode, I thought all the casting was AMAZING.
HOWEVER
I am a Kennedy-phile and connoisseur of media portrayals of JFK et al and I have to say that Michael C. Hall (an otherwise amazing actor) is without a doubt the absolute WORST JFK I have ever seen in my life. THE WORST. I realize not everyone can be William Devane or even Cliff Robertson, but COME ON!!!!

So the last two episodes I've seen, the JFK/Jackie and the obligatory horrible boarding school one were a bit of a letdown. I realize we have to deal with the horrible boarding school to give the backstory for why Charles can be a bit of head-case and therefore why (among other reasons) the Charles/Diana situation was so dooomed, but sitting through horrible boarding school abuse is still not pleasant.

Looking forward to more good-stuff, although I'll miss the starting line-up when the cast turns over.

The OJT (on the job training) just raises so many issues for me. Stress, anxiety, fear of criticism, compare and despair. Fear and Ego on a plate. UGH. Throw in having to do it from 6AM to 230P and it's been an utter nightmare.

As soon as shift is over, I run outside and walk at least two miles or ride the bike a bit to make sure I decompress before interacting with Hubby.

Self-pity time:
I want my life back! Yoga, karaoke, nails, hair, and my real job.

Highlight of the week: Barrowman on QI!!! With white hair even. I've literally been waiting for this since at least 2008.