karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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K-Gal's Marriage Meme-Countdown to 20th Anniversary

Doubling down with two questions that sort of over-lap and lead me to some rambling about keeping a marriage together when at least one of you is nuts. (And do NOT get all up in my grill about being UN-PC about mental illness. If I want to refer to myself as a raving nutcase, that my business.)

From our birthday gal, strawberrytatoo : How would you say your relationship has changed over those 20 years? Hobbies you've started/given up on together? Things you used to fight about, and now you laugh over how silly it was?

And from rozerood : How do you keep the love in your marriage alive? Did your feelings change, in which way?

Here is the #1 thing that has kept our marriage together: "You're right. I'm wrong. I'm sorry."

It's not easy. I reallyreally hate to admit when I'm wrong. I'm reallyreally into being right. BUT when it's necessary, it's necessary.

Plus the fact that in spite of what would be appear to be numerous changes in activities and habits, the bottom line is that we're still the same people who fell in love with each other and decided that our individual craziness fit together perfectly.

When we first met, I didn't know the words "stroppy bint," but in certain circumstances, it fits me to a tee. Especially when I'm freaking out about food. The combination of low blood sugar and some really messed family attitudes has been the on-going fight of my life. Hubby has been amazing about dealing with this crap, including promising me, very early on, that he would always love me no matter how fat I got. He's put up with diets and lack of diets and exercise mania and every form of body self-hatred under the sun. As BFF Jen can attest, nothing makes me act crazier than something happening with my food. One of our first big fights involved me going ballistic because he added coconut to the stir fry. Another time, in London, I let myself get too hungry and then had a balls-out hissy fit because it was too late for me to get breakfast.

I've tried to learn to manage both my blood-sugar and my all or nothing eating attitudes and just my own sense of perspective about food, but it's still possible for me to go beserk over the issue. And then I have to apologize as above.

Today, I finally let go of my THING about the stupid Utilikilt. I hate that thing with a vengeance, but I was being such a stroppy bint that I was usually refusing to even be seen with him in it, but this morning I was just too tired to fight it anymore and you know, really, who cares? If he wants to look like an idiot, it's not my problem.

Hubby is by nature a seeker and a doer. He likes to learn new things and is nearly always doing a new hobby or studying something. The number of instruments he's bought and attempted to learn and play over the years is amazing. (Anybody want to buy an accordian?)

I've become completely obsessed with my on-line/LJ/Fandom world to the extend that I'm sometimes completely not present when we're along together, because I'm on-line.

We don't actually share that many hobbies. When we go to to movies and music events together, often it's one of us who really wants to go and the other along for the ride. We've both grown and changed, but I'll say it again, we're still the same people who got together 20 years ago, with the same baggage we brought into the relationship. The stuff we've acquired since then is the shared history I talked about in an earlier post.

As for keeping the love alive...hubby does a lot of the work on that. He's been known to call me at work...just to say I love you.

(All together now....AWWWWWWWWWW.)
Tags: anniversary, anniversary countdown, hubby, journal

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