karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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Movie notes-This Means War

I really, really didn't like this movie.

Here's the basic problem. Whenever I see this guy:

I always think it's this guy:

And, considering that in this movie, Chris Pine's character was basically Tony DiNozzo, right down to the movie obsession, and I really don't like Tony DiNozzo, it was pretty hard to find any satisfaction in the resolution of the movie. The ONLY reason I can think for FDR (WTF?) to be the "winner" was that Chris Pine is somehow deemed the bigger star, presumably because of his American-ness, even though I'd say the two are pretty equivalent in terms of fan-girl swoon appeal. (Maybe it's like King Kong VS Godzilla and there could be a British cut where Tuck is the "winner.")

As much as I wanted to like Reese Witherspoon's character (at least I find her more inherently charming than most of the so-called lovable women played by Jennifer Anniston) her actions made it pretty hard to consider her much of a prize, pretty much starting with her using Pine to somehow impress the ex-boyfriend.

The only thing more blech-y than the "resolution" was the epilogue, which I don't understand the point of at all. Do the writers think it makes their precious Pine more manly by undermining what happiness we might feel for Tuck getting his "family" back?

Seriously bad taste in the mouth there.

I think the problem is that the obvious ending is for Reese to get back with the old boyfriend and leave Chris and Tom to their epic bromance (and I think you guys know how much I hate that expression). BUT if they did that or even went OT3, then they'd have to confront the actually homoerotic implications of all that "I love you, man!" stuff, which presumably is one of those deliberate slash fan teases that tend to piss me off so much.

In fact, the only slash pairing that actually would have made sense is Lauren and Trish, which is what I would vindictively see happening within six months when Lauren discovers that
not shtupping stewardess doesn't mean her dick of a husband has really changed and catches him in bed with some other babe. Then she tries to run back to Tuck and he wants nothing to do with her. She has nothing left but Trish. See me laugh evilly.

Truly a dishonest piece of shit, that could have been better, but not as made by Hollywood.
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