More crap, this but slightly less rage-inducing crap than last last week, mostly because the crack monkeys were barely pretending that these were even the original characters and because the B-plot back at the hospital was actually somewhat interesting. Also having Hubby around tends to keep me somewhat grounded. (Not applicable when something as sucktastic as various bits of Children of Earth is happening.)
We'll do it as call and response. I'll lay out the crapola and you can shout back the only proper response.
1. Wilson has never had a threesome: BULLSHIT!
2. Wilson would need House to line up a threesome for him: BULLSHIT!
3. Wilson would need the "bald cap" ploy to get a woman in bed: BULLSHIT!
4. The "bald cap" ploy would work: BULLSHIT! Clearly the only point of that was to have the post chemo hair look available for a fake out clip in the promo. This also gives the lie to last week's BULLSHIT that Wilson actually did the chemo at House's apartment, but I digress.
4. Wilson has never paid for sex: BULLSHIT! (Hellllooooo, Robin!)
5. He didn't enjoy the threesome: BULLSHIT!
6. The entire whinging, self-pitying line about the girl who looked like Julie Christie: BULLSHIT
7. That Wilson, even if he was trying to be "House-like" would EVER make House do any amount of walking, which would of course cause his leg to hurt immensely, right after House reiterated that his leg hurt: BULLSHIT
Nice to see the motorcycle again, but what happed to the Gangster Car from Mob Rules? We were never told that House gave it us, so clearly he doesn't NEED Wilson's penis car if he wants to cruise around in that kind of thing. (In fact, I believe that's how we know that Wilson can't drive stick.)
Oh, by the way, crack monkeys, nice SUBTLE symbolism there with the hearse. I nearly got a concussion from the falling anvils.
Was there every any doubt that the only purpose for the steak scene was to have Wilson puke? Or that the only purpose of these last two episodes has been to get RSL an Emmy nomination? Oh, the oh so theatrical declaiming in the early scenes, followed by the patented "adolescent voice break" when he did never never unexpected reversion. Sorry, Bobby, I love you dearly but the writers have screwed the characters over too long for me to give a flying Philadelphia fuck. Go back to Broadway and earn yourself another Tony. Get the fuck out of face with your manipulative bullshit. I am not impressed. Not with a single, stupid, coarse, badly written minute of it.
Hugh as House did a have good milisecond on the bus when he acknowledged that he needs Wilson to be Wilson and not (BARF!) Kyle, simply because he needs someone as enabling and co-dependent as Wilson to keep his life going. It's a pretty honest assessment of the "stupid screwed up friendship" and I hope the schmoopers heard the truth of it and didn't go all gooey squeeing about twu wuv. Of course the whole thing went on too long and devolved back into crap covered Twinkie territory.
Despite the look on House's face during the scan, I still, with two episodes to go and oodles of spoilers implying otherwise, say again: WILSON IS NOT GOING TO DIE!
On the other hand, I now think House might. Which would be fine and make sense. His only remotely true and honest relationship has always been with self-destruction and death.
Speaking of falling anvils, it wasn't particularly nuanced, but the stuff with the patient at the hospital at least FELT like a House MD episode and both Chase and Foreman were written in character. THIS was the Chase we know, complete with doubts that have NOTHING to do with his sex life. This was Foreman juggling friendship and trying to do his job.
The patient was a dick, but an interesting one, and the cold open was pretty awesome, if totally gross. I'm really convinced that someone on the staff ordered WAY too many blood capsules, forcing the crack monkeys to come up with new ways to use them. As ways to use them go, that was pretty awesome.
Again, nothing about it was subtle, but I was willing to go with exactly how House-like Chase was being, while still doing his own angst thing. In other words, he has moved up to tortured genius status, but with his own daddy issues, religious issues, etc. He even had House-like scruff, after a few weeks of being clean-shaven.
Hopefully I'm NOT giving the crack monkeys too much credit by noting that his penultimate (or possibly anti-penultimate) diagnosis was porphyria, which was the correct diagnosis for Mark Warner back in Honeymoon, which forced House to force Stacy to make a decision similar to the one she made about him. It was REALLY IMPORTANT in that episode and I would really hate to believe that the crack monkeys only happened to use that one because it came up on the dart board or something.
So Chase does the House-like and he's wrong and does end up making the patient worse (although not as bad as Mark would have been, but whatever) and I called within the first 15 minutes that Chase WOULD end up making the correct diagnosis. I really liked all those scenes, although I kind of wanted to tell the patient to STFU while he was whinging his anvils about what Chase had done with his life.
As always I LOVED the hinted House/Chase bit at the end. Since Dave and Katie don't seem to know that anyone ships House/Chase, their interactions still have the thrill of subtext instead of the stale urine stench of fanservice.
I also do not believe that Chase is really leaving. At this point, I'd go with Wilson NOT dying, House dying and Chase coming back to lead the team, which isn't really the team, so unless there is some remote chance of Jennifer Morrison coming back, it's not perfect, but it at least gives us some resolution and continuity. They referenced Cameron running an ER in Chicago, so I'll probably never get a pure FCC back, but at this point I could settle for Chase is the new House, and we end with his fondling the ball as "You Can't Always Get What You Want" comes over the soundtrack and maybe he does a hall-walk with Wilson.
Two to go. See ya next week. Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel.