Fandom: House MD/CSI-NY crossover
Rating: R for some swear words mostly.
Summary: Danny Messer meets Dr. Greg House.
Un-beta-ed. The mistakes are all mine.
Spoilers for "Love Hurts" and 2nd season in general.
Thanks again to Kohl-Rimmed-Eye for the plot bunny.
Here's chapter 1 if you missed it:
Danny Messer had been talking to Dr. House for less than five minutes before he decided he wanted to punch him out, cane or no cane.
He was already pissed off by the runaround it took to find the guy in the first place. First the Aussie, who barely looked old enough to be a doctor at all, had sent him to the clinic, where he found not Dr. House, but Dr. Foreman. Foreman was polite, but clearly had his own issues with the cops, no matter how smoothly he tried to hide it. Foreman claimed not to know where House was, and shrugged when Danny asked why he was doing another doctor’s clinic hours.
“Hey, I’m gonna talk to House if I have to search this whole hospital,” he threatened.
Foreman just rolled his eyes and said he’d page Dr. Cameron. Danny expected to get another one of the three stooges. Dr. Cameron turned out to be easier on the eyes than Moe or Larry, but no more helpful in getting him to Dr. House. She led him on a pointless tour of the hospital, while babbling inanely about how busy Dr. House was and how many consults he was doing. Finally Danny couldn’t take her nervous chatter any more.
“What the hell kind of hospital is this?” he exploded, having arrived back on the first floor in front of an office door that said “Dr. Lisa Cuddy-Hospital Administrator”.
The door opened and a tall brunette in a business suit and a pair of high heels that also meant business stomped out.
“It’s one of the top five teaching hospital in the United States according to the Journal of the American Medical Association. Now what’s going on here?”
“I’m Detective Messer from the NYPD crime lab. I’m looking for Dr. House and no one,” he looked at pointedly at Dr. Cameron, “seems to want to tell me where he is.”
“Right,” said the brunette Amazon, sounding exasperated, but not surprised. “OK, Dr. Cameron, I’ll take it from here.” Her dismissive tone made Dr. Cameron seem like a rebellious teenager. Danny practically expected her to say, “But mom…” before she went off to her bedroom to sulk.
Dr. Cuddy wasted no time taking him back up to the second floor and leading him to an office, which happened to be right next to Dr. House’s office where he’d started this wild goose chase.
She walked into the office without knocking, causing two men to look up guiltily from a game of Chinese checkers. One was behind the desk, looking every inch the well-groomed doctor out of a soap opera. The other had at least three days worth of beard growth and wore a somewhat battered tweed jacket over an Original Ray’s Pizza t-shirt.
Danny turned to the clean-shaven one.
“Dr. House?” he said hopefully and got a headshake in response.
Dr. Cuddy addressed the man that Danny had taken for a patient or a bum.
“Dr. House. This is Detective Messer from the New York Police Department. He’s going to talk to you.”
House started reciting, “In the criminal justice system, the people are represented…”
“And you’re going to co-operate,” Cuddy cut him off.
“But what if he tries to rough me up?” House asked imitating a whining child.
“Then you’ll come down to the clinic and we’ll treat you,” Cuddy said, before executing a sharp turn and leaving.
Young Dr. Handsome made to get up as well.
“Come on Wilson, don’t you want to find out why the NYPD is about fifty miles out of their jurisdiction?”
“See you later,” said Wilson, hurriedly grabbing a handful of files before beating a hasty retreat, leaving Danny alone with his quarry.
“Do you guys even have enough money in the budget to cover the gasoline?”
Danny counted to ten and then did it backwards.
“Dr. House, I need to ask you about one of your patients.”
“Buzz. Doctor-patient confidentiality. Thanks for playing.”
“Wrong game, Doc. We’ve already seen the file. Do you remember a guy named Harvey Park? You saved his life by figuring out that there was an infection in his jaw.”
House picked up the cane that had been hooked over the side of the chair. Danny could see the mind working. He looked like a bum, but the blue eyes were sharp and alive.
“Did Annette start strangling him again? I told those crazy kids to behave themselves. No asphyxiation until marriage.”
“Obviously you know about Annette and Harvey and their…arrangement?”
“She ties him up He does her taxes. Ain’t love grand.”
“Annette was found strangled last night. Harvey’s medical file was in her apartment. Any idea why?”
“She’d already read “The DaVinci Code” and was looking for something with a better plot? How’s Harvey taking it?”
“He’s not doing so good.”
“Which means what? He’s got a headache, his tummy hurts?”
“He’s in Bellevue. The doctors say he’s completely catatonic.”
There weren’t enough numbers.
“Could you lay off the razzing for two seconds? I’m asking for your help here.”
“It must be exhausting playing good-cop/bad-cop all by yourself.”
“When we told Harvey about Annette, he started crying. Then he said “Call Dr. House.” And then he didn’t say anything. Any idea why he’d tell us to talk to you before he shut up permanently?”
House finally appeared to be taking him seriously. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a pill bottle. He stared at the label as if the answers would appear there, before looking up at Danny.
“Can I see Harvey’s file from Bellevue.”
“It’s not your case.”
“Then make it my case. Bring him here.”
“No way that’s gonna happen. He’s staying in New York.”
House raised his eyebrows.
“Sorry, can’t help you.”
Danny felt his hands balling up into fists in his pockets. House was more interested in his games than helping solve a murder.
“A woman was killed.”
“And the guy who might know something can’t talk to you. If I can get him to talk, you might be able to solve your murder. Everybody wins.”
House actually made this insanity sound logical to Danny until he imagined himself trying to sell it to Mac. Yeah. That would go over.
“We’ll be in touch, Dr. House.”
“But will you love me tomorrow?”
Danny left the office with the beginning of an almighty headache. He wondered if he could score some aspirin back at the clinic. He wouldn’t mind scoring something else from that Dr. Cuddy either. She had a major league set of…
“Huh? Hey, Montana. Let’s get out of here. We gotta get back to the city and traffic’s gonna be a bitch on the turnpike.”
“OK. What are you leering at?”
“Who me? I’m just looking for some aspirin.”
“I’ve got some in the glove compartment. I’ll drive.”
“You’re a saint on earth, but I’m not listening to any more of that country music crap.”
They settled on the local sports station. Danny told Lindsay about his less than illuminating encounter with Dr. House.
“I couldn’t believe that guy. What an ego. The best guys at Bellevue can't get through to Park and he’s like, just bring him down here to the middle of bum fuck Egypt and I’ll fix him.”
“He’s supposed to be a brilliant doctor.”
“I think he’s a bullshit artist who gets lucky sometimes. Mr. Freako isn’t leaving New York until he sits up and tells us who killed his leather queen.”
“Danny,” she replied with a disapproving sigh.
Danny knew he wasn’t supposed to feel that way. He’d been to the sensitivity training. Just another lifestyle, they told him. But every time they had one of these freaky, kinky sex cases it made his skin crawl and tied his stomach up in knots.
“So how did it go with Dr. Doogie from down under?”
“He met Annette at some parties. He says he knew a girl who was into the scene.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? "The Scene.” What did he do exactly?”
Lindsay shrugged, almost like the New Yorker she might become if she stayed around long enough.
“He didn’t get specific. He just knew this girl and they met Annette at some parties and that’s how he ended up in her phone book.”
“A dominatrix who networks. Great.”
He noticed a smile on Lindsay’s face.
“You liked him? He told you something and you’re holding out on me cos’ you liked him?”
“I didn’t say I liked him. It was just nice to question someone who wasn’t a total sleazebag for a change. He’s a doctor. He was polite.”
“He’s a pretty boy.” Danny scoffed, feeling an unwelcome mixture of protectiveness and jealousy. “And he must have been into some kinky stuff to meet the vic, so you should steer clear of him.”
Lindsay took her eyes off the road long enough to fix Danny with that Sweet Polly Purebred smile that made him feel a little mushy inside.
“You think people don’t have kinky sex in Montana?”
Danny closed his eyes and tried to believe she was just saying that to mess with him. He wound up dozing off. When he woke up, they were halfway to Manhattan, the radio was back playing country music and Lindsay was still smiling.
Here's Chapter 3