karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

So I screwed up horribly....

And nothing happened...which bothers me.

I did something unbelievably stupid at work. I made an assumption based on lack of communication which turned out to be wrong and led to a bunch of stress and confusion and a client being justifiably pissed off at me.

When I THOUGHT the problem had been fixed, it still wasn't what the client wanted and there was another round of emails with her sniping and me groveling.

By the end of the day, the client was sending emails saying, "Maybe I just make my own bookings. It would take five minutes and avoid all this stress." Which I took to mean I was going to be in a world of trouble, there would be repercussions, maybe I'd finally get fired and be out of my misery around here...etc etc etc.

I went home, told Hubby he night need actually put his money where his mouth is on "supporting" me, and spent an hour chopping vegetables/fruits/nuts in a state of existential despair.

I rode to work in the rain, went to the gym, and came into the office expecting to see emails from various managers or a "CALL ME" or getting a call from my manager. There was nothing except emails between the co-worker who'd saddled me with the mess in the first place and the client, showing that it was now taken care of and everything was hunky dory.

The manager I had contacted to deal with the "maybe I should book it myself" email said I'd done nothing wrong and everything was ok.

The most I got was a minor tongue-lashing from the co-worker about not letting these people get to me and maybe improving my documentation skills. (Never mind that part of the problem was something she hadn't told me or documented.)

But the thing is...I'd worked myself up into such a state of self-flagellation that I now feel....disappointed? I mean obviously I'm relieved, but maybe my need to get off this fucking account is making me do stupid things so I will get fired? Or my drama queen self is unhappy without a big confrontation?

I don't even know anymore.

It's also remotely possible that stupid thing happened due to post-binge/day 2 Hydroxycut jitters.

I did get through the crazy without another binge and I even let myself have 1/4 cup of Walnuts this morning instead of just fruit/veggies. I'm also doing well with the flax-milk instead of skim.

I'm writing down amounts, but not calories---which in the case of the walnuts is probably a good thing. Hopefully the rain will let up enough for a good long run tomorrow.

There's an exhibit on Yoga at the Asian Art Museum, which hubby and I are planning to go to. I really do want to take yoga at least once or twice a week and not just when I'm off work. My flexibility is shot and it's as close to real meditation as I can get.

I realize there's a major disconnect between my interest in Yoga and my general mishegas.

Tags: angst, blog, diet, exercise, journal, personal, work

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