karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

So here's the emmis....I cracked. Sunday. 7PM

Pretty much the minute Peggy left the Mint, I was into the Jelly Bellys, and it went stunningly downhill from there. Just to give you an idea, I woke up with pieces of an apple in my hands.

Then I had to drag my bloated carcass to the gym and put it on a scale.


I've put on 10 pounds in a month.

Now, let's give me the benefit of the doubt, because I have been working the weights pretty hard (not Cross-fit or anything, but still) so SOME of that is muscle. Also, last week was my period (yeah, it's TMI, too bad!) and there may still be some guck hanging around.

A certain amount of that is just pure ugly fat.

Except THIS is actually the weight that various sane people in my life tell me looks perfect and that my "Trophy Number" of 131 was "too much." It's still a 50 lb weight loss from last June.

Ms. Krazy Kakes (that would be me) and her fucked up head and the programming I got from my equally Krazy Kakes father that the best thing I could do in life would be a "skinny Minnie" and every fucking picture that is heralded as "beautiful" for a female body in our culture is telling me, I have to crawl back down to that number.

I still think the Paleo thing CAN work....but only without the periodic binging. (Sorry, I mean stress eating.)

Not sure where we go from here...except back to Bi-Rite for more fruit and veggies so I can get back on the wagon (and the bike) tomomorrow, and try just a little harder.
Tags: blog, diet, exercise, food, journal

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