Everybody has a brilliant ideas about what I need to stop being crazy. Peggy wants me to see a nutritionist and is basically still thumping for me to go back to OA for realz instead of me using her as a psuedo-sponsor, without actually committing to it. (I consider myself clean and sober in AA/NA, but you wouldn't catch me dead in a meeting, unless I really felt like I was going to drink or use and the fact is, I'd binge my brains out first.)
Hubby thinks I need a therapist AND anti-depressants. If he keeps up that line of talk, I'm going to get extremely pissed. The thing is, in the history of anti-depressants, has anyone ever been prescribed them AND gotten it right the first time? I just don't have the time to be as fucked up as I could get while going through various anti-depressants in different doses.
I'm actually feeling pretty good food-wise, except from a caloric standpoint, I KNOW I'm eating too much fruit and nuts. Especially those lovely nuts. BUT a week of no binging, no sugar, no grains is good enough for now.
Yesterday was Hair Day, which should have been lovely, except I flaked out on BART and lost my wallet. This is driving me crazy. I KNOW it was in my pocket book. I could see it. I could see it again. I had my big blue sweatshirt looped through the pocketbook handle and nothing should have gotten past it. And when I got to the top of the escalator ---- POOF. No wallet. I didn't lose my cell, my Clipper Card or my work security beep-beeps, but there was some money and my health insurance cards and the Optum card with my old health insurance "fund" money on it. I also had to cancel an ATM and a credit card, with hubby being very paternalistic and pushy. I know he's right that I have to do it, considering what happened last time, but I'm so bummed about blowing my "Always know where my ATM card is" resolution.
That kind of bummed out hair day. Then I had to do the "order picky" thing at Jim's dinner, which is the greasiest of greasy spoons...turkey burger, mushrooms, no bun, salad, no dressing. Once back in the city, I had to run home, get my OTHER ATM card and get back to the Mint, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to pick up my husband's pizza at Mozzeria on the way home.
I was so miserable about the whole thing and stressed out that what should have been a great Mint day with only few people singing, so I got to sing A LOT, turned to shit. I was so full of stress and anger that my vocal chords were really tight and I started losing my voice and left a little early.
BUT----I did not touch Jelly Bellys or any other kind of sugar OR sugar substitute. I did not binge.
My goal for this week is to work on the sleep side of the equation. The night eating has been creeping back in. This is going to be HARD, but I think I need to starting pulling in both when I actually turn the lights out and when I cut off the eating. Incrementally, mind you. The "lifestyle" side of the Paleo thing emphasizes getting enough sleep, among other issues (stress, community, nature) that I'm not in a great position to address right now. Getting more sleep, I can at least try for, and I know for a fact that one key to eradicating the dreaded pooch is to get the night eating under control again.
Oh, BTW, is anyone out there using Vibrams or any other type of minimalist shoe? I don't know if I'd use them for running, but I've been listening to a lot of podcasts and the idea that our feet are fucked up from shoes definitely registers with me.
I had a good weight work-out this AM, and refueled as soon as I settled down at work, instead of making myself wait an hour.
Thus endeth the blah blah.