karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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I still can't believe it!

A year ago, I was in so much misery at the Desk of Doom, hating every single day I had to go there, and even though I'd lost the initial chunk of weight, I was all about low-fat,, calorie restriction, chronic-cardio and self-hatred.

Getting this gig with Amex is such an absolute miracle! The work can be exhausting, because I'm engaged and ON all the time, but I get to say yes to people and help them and get love and respect in return. I'm not just putting up with bullshit and having nightmares because I'm afraid of getting fired for some stupid screw-up or because I didn't kiss enough butt.

Lately I've had to work some hours that are rough for me, but we're currently operating with two less employees than we're supposed to have and the team is pulling together. The situation will be alleviated in a month or so, and in the meantime, the team-leader appreciates how much we're all putting into the job.

I'm just over 4 months or so since my last Binge and have not touched sugar/gluten/wheat/grain/sweetener or dairy (besides butter) in that period of time. I'm still dealing with the food/body/scale obsession, but not "dieting" or "calorie restricting" and I'm aiming to get my carbs as low as possible go LC/HF.

Great love to my friend Jim for turning me on to Paleo, even though I'm now way more hard-core about it than he is.

My main body goal now is mobility...trying to undo so many years of damage from chronic cardio and other abuse. I'm determined to try and stay away from pain-killers and relievers, although attempt number 1 went tits up yesterday. I still need to find a "dressy" shoe that I can stand in without getting cramps in my calves.

I'm committed to all facets of my yoga practice, including Kirtan and Ayurveda. One of my major intentions is to get into a head-stand this year.

I'm also maintaining my meditation practice, although not as Zazen as Hubby would prefer.

And after years of saying the Twelve Steps couldn't/wouldn't/didn't work for food, I'm back in OA, with a sponsor and everything...still getting over my Post Traumatic Graysheet Disorder...and on the brink of a First Step.

I love my job, and if I get into the sugar, I will get stupid and screw up. It's that simple.

My life is a million times better than I could have believed a year ago. Then my best hope was getting into dog-walking. Unfortunately my dream version of that---me on my bicycle, pulling up and walking dogs in their neighborhoods---didn't exist. God bless my friend Lowell who said, "Well there's this..." and sent me the link to the job posting.

The time it took to get through the interview process (two phone, one face-to-face, and then the background check) was excruciating, but now I'm a Member Services Professional and I can honestly say I love my job AND I'm good at it, two things that were patently untrue one year ago.

Oh, and apparently the only thing we're going to do about those fibroids is wait and see.

I wish you all the same peace of Mind and Body that I've found.

Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu.

Tags: blog, exercise, food, happydancing, journal, personal, work

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