karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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Sugar makes me stupid

But low blood sugar ALSO makes me stupid.

So when I try to get closer to an ideal of low-carb/high-fat/ketosis instead of the strict Paleo no gluten/no grain/no sugar/no dairy (except for Kerrygold butter) approach, which does include fruit, honey and the very occasional starchy vegetable, I hit a wall of dizziness and brain-fog and end up losing the thread on something important. (I still think it would work IF I had the time to go through a full induction phase and wait out the carb flu.)

The impulse to do the ketogenic thing comes from repeated exposure to podcasts, lack of OA meetings, and my disease telling me I'm fat, stupid and should be lifting heavier things at the gym.

As a result of "field research," I had some bad moments last Thursday and Friday. From there I went into a bit of self-doubting tailspin. I love my job so much that every single one of these things drives me batshit and I do tend to wear my worry on my sleeve.

I have completely cut out my recreational honey habit (the tea was just an excuse for gobs of honey) and as a result, I'm waking up at 5 or 6, and I've decided to go back to using the early AM to work out so I can to get back in the nap before work business. I really thought I was doing well on Monday and Tuesday...including using some ginseng tea as a nootropic for focus. THEN my Team Leader said she wanted to talk to me in her office, which is generally a one way ticket to finding out that there's been another round of survey comments in and someone thinks my hair is messy or I talk too much.

She told me not to worry, but I did nothing else for two hours.

When I got down there, she said, that everything was fine and she was concerned that I was beating myself up too much and she didn't want me to think that every one of our meetings was negative. (She's also been taking some leadership training.) She now wants me to find something positive everyday, something I do well and can "celebrate."

I'm partially relieved, but also wondering if she noticed my anxiety or one of my co-workers was concerned enough to mention it to her.

It's a good technique though. I'm also trying to celebrate something good about my program every day. Today I went to two meetings.
Tags: blog, journal, personal

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