karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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My birthday

More to the point, my 3rd birthday since I stopped binging.

I am blissful, bountiful, beautiful

I still love my job and am grateful everyday I get to go to the airport and try to make people happy instead of going to the Desk of Doom and eating myself into a coma to get through the day of people being miserable and my being miserable.

Today I woke up, ate the breakfast I committed last night, went to Yoga, meditated, had a great nap, ate the lunch I committed last night and watched an episode of the Wire. Season three, Episode nine: Slapstick.

Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy...I'll cuddle you baby. Oh, Prez. Keee-rist. I've been spoiled for a lot of show that I haven't seen yet, but I didn't know that specific incident was coming. So heart-breaking.

Oh Carver! Oh Bunny!

I'm working on Yuletide...well, I'm working on working on Yuletide. Little more research. FWIW, I'm not writing the Wire, because I won't offer it till I finish watching all of it, but the remember of what REALLY GOOD writing feels and sounds like is extremely intimidating.

My meditation teacher, who knows some of my story, but not the amount of wanky mayhem I perpetrated on the interwebs during the depths of my insanity made the suggestion that I look at a journaling practice. I smiled and nodded.

I'm not sure if it would look like a daily visit here to unburden myself or if I should go back to handwriting in an actual journal as I did for over 20 years before becoming addicted to the exhibitionism of LJ/DW. It'll be interested to take pen to paper with no possibility of an audience other than myself, unless I choose to share it with my sponsor. Oh speaking of that...I've been working on that amends list and getting closer to the point where I have to stop just dicking around with the list and do the hard work of truly and deeply apologizing for the shit I've done...in some cases to those of you who might be reading this...or friends of yours...or friends of friends. Whole fandoms in some case. I really was a twat, you know? (And of course there's no way to say I'm not still that person.)

My plan of action for the rest of the day is to have the snack I committed last night, go to a meeting, eat the dinner I committed last night and maybe do some actual words on paper for my Yuletide fic. Not binging. Comitting my food for tomomrrow. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Saturday night my "celebration" was a Yin to Yoga Nidra workshop at Laughing Lotus. Hubby came with me and despite my concern that he would find it a bit too woo-woo, he really enjoyed it. This also got me off the hook for dinner out as a celebration, which at this time in my life is more a cause for anxiety in the form of a meal that is not under my control than any kind of joyful experience. I CAN eat out...usually I order a bunless burger and veggies, but I'm still way more comfortable with portion and ingredient control.

Did I mention Hubby got a fiddle? Ten years after he broke his wrist in mid-life crisis related skate-board incident and gave up after a brief flirtation, he's at it again. Gave that one to Ganesha in a hurry, let me tell you.
Tags: birthday, blog, journal, navel-gazing, personal, yuletide

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