karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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We will not regret the past....

Uh, yeah, well...

I'm back in the process of getting the 2011 Drabble-a-Day project all imported into A03, which means I'm going back over the things I posted along with the drabbles. LOTS of rants about various TV shows that were not living up to my expectations and desires of how fictional characters should act, including my rage-a-holic House posting, vociferous frustration with White Collar and of course the entire Torchwood: Miracle Day before/during/after period. Out where the busses don't run doesn't begin to cover the level of mishegas. Part of me would honestly like to delete all of it. "...or wish to shut the door on it."

I'd love to blame it on my disease, but it doesn't work that way. I was as batshit crazy, a wanker, a shit-stain, or whatever else people who were directly hurt or just observing the situation chose to call me.

I've noticed a lot of my ego-driven character defects cropping up again and that is the same insanity that drove me to the food and to the toxic crap I spewed around here. I'm jealous of one of my co-workers who gets more love from the CMs than I do, which is painful.

I'm NOT binging, but I'm backsliding on eating standing up, eating while reading, eating while on line, which are all behaviors I'd put down and need to turn back over to HP. (Om Nemah Shivaya!)

I had some bad dreams last night...the tooth dream, a using dream and an eating dream. All about shame and secrecy.

I have so much shame about the person I was in this space, as well as out in the world.

Currently working on memorizing and implementing the "St. Francis Prayer," which apparently he didn't actually write.

"That where there is discord, I may bring harmony."

The process continues.
Tags: blog, journal, personal

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