Pairing: Stephen Colbert/Keith Olbermann (references to co-stars and significant others)
Notes: Takes place on April 24, 2008, the night that Keith Olbermann appeared on The Late Show With David Letterman. Based on the remark at the end of THIS CLIP.
beta_goddess to the rescue.
You’re an enormous man.
Great! More competition.
It was bad enough he had to read about Keith and his girlfriends on Page Six and that Anderson had been in New York when Keith’s appendix burst, while Stephen was stuck in LA for the Emmys. Jon had literally grabbed a phone out of his hands to keep him from booking a flight back.
Evie once pointed out that Rachel Maddow had started to look up at Keith with an expression of adoration. Reminding himself that Rachel was gay didn’t alleviate his jealousy in the least.
Keith was his.
Except not so much, because of Stephen’s whole being married and supposedly straight thing. If Jon was allowed to melt into a big girly puddle of goo every time Clooney was within a ten-block radius, why couldn’t Stephen have a man-crush on Keith Olbermann, even if in his case it was more of a man-session?
The thought of Letterman wanting a piece of the action was galling but also arousing. Somehow the word “enormous” kept running through his mind, reminding him of Keith’s physical bulk and the intimidating presence that came across through the screen and nearly rendered him speechless when their paths happened to cross in person.
If he were alone, he’d get out the toys and crank up some Special Comments. With a leather ring holding his balls tightly, a good-size plug up his ass and Keith’s booming voice giving Bush or Cheney his most scathing what-for, he could drag a good jerk-off session out for nearly half an hour.
Instead he headed for the bathroom. He didn’t want to touch Evie when he was thinking of Keith, and what else was that tempting bottle of Oil of Olay next to the sink good for anyway?
He took down his boxer shorts and sat on the toilet, Olaying himself up until everything was nice and smooth. This would have to be quick and dirty. He smiled at the words and the connotation. Quick. Dirty.
His favorite Keith fantasy kicked in, the one where Stephen was on the Report set, in full “Stephen” regalia, holding forth on the virtues of Papa Bear, until Keith came charging in and silenced him with a full-force mouth-on-mouth kiss, while the audience went crazy. He loved the way Keith would roughly grab him by the head, crunching his gelled hair, exposing his neck and biting hard, marking him.
The scene fast-forwarded to Keith pushing him over the desk, pulling his pants down and fucking him as the cameras rolled. He didn’t know where the lube had come from, but Keith’s “enormous” cock slid in and out like a well-oiled piston, the way his hand was moving, sliding up and down against his dick. It was so wrong, but so good. Keith was grunting something about Barack Obama into his ear and his legs were starting to shake and he felt himself coming into his hands and receiving a standing ovation.
Thank you, Nation.
He flushed and cleaned up, making sure there were no traces of anything to give Evie a clue. She watched every version of CSI out there and might not believe that he’d suddenly taken an interest in moisturizing.
“Are you okay sweetie?” she asked, as he got back into bed. She’d changed the channel to MSNBC and Pat Buchanan was saying nice things about Hillary Clinton. The world really had gone crazy.
Stephen kissed his wife on the cheek and let her snuggle against him, hoping he’d wake up with a hard-on that was just for her.
“Good night,” he said to her, before whispering, just to himself, “and good luck.”