karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,
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Crackfic for a Sunday Night -"Accessories" Ianto/Thirteen Rated-R

Title: Accessories
Fandom: House MD/Torchwood crossover
Pairing: Ianto/Thirteen (reference to J/I/G, implied Jack/Martha/Mickey)
Rating: R
Wordcount: 1490
Notes/Warnings: Blame this particular piece of crack on hllangel, who showed me this image from fandomsecrets, :http://i37.tinypic.com/2nqsmqt.png, and pointed out that someone else is known for wearing braces. She also saved this fic from at least one incredibly bad smut cliche. Anti-J/I/Gers might actually approve, but rabid J/Iers probably won't.

Summary: Ianto finds something unexpected at the end of a wild goose chase.



It must have been the braces.

Clearly a conditioned response. Something must have happened when he saw them peeking out from under a lab coat.

Ianto couldn’t come up with any other reason to so readily tumble into a bed, and not even a proper bed, but a hospital gurney in a supply closet, with a young woman who’s only identification was a number known for it’s association with bad luck.

The woman herself was attractive enough, he supposed, with long, dark hair and a heart-shaped face. Skinnier than he remembered liking, but clearly attractive by any rational standard, except there was nothing rational about his being attracted to her.

Lisa had been the anomaly in his life. Before had been fumbling boys and afterwards, the sure touch of the man who made him feel like no other had or would again. The man who’d saved him and would probably destroy him. The man who had also sent him to this provincial back-water on what Ianto knew full well was a wild-goose chase. He also knew why they’d been dispatched to Princeton, New Jersey, even if his traveling companion didn’t.

Gwen was still too infatuated with Jack’s charisma to see what had happened. It never even occurred to her that they were being gotten out of the way for awhile so Jack could get to know the newest members of the team a little better.

Poor Jack, Ianto had thought, seeing the whole thing unravel. In the aftermath of Tosh and Owen’s death, he’d drawn his remaining family together, and neither of them had the strength to say “no” to what Jack had clearly wanted for so long: both of them together in his bed. Ianto had given in, suspecting that this would not turn out to be the threesome of Jack’s dreams. Sure he ecstatic at first, who wouldn’t be, with two lovers willing to do anything to please him, but that was all it was about. Jack. Jack. Jack.

A week ago, they’d been lying in bed together after Jack had made love to Gwen while Ianto was fucking him. Everyone was physically satisfied, but no one was happy.

“You guys,” Jack said, trying to find the words to express something that clearly pained him. “You’ve got to want each other as much as you want me.”

That was never going to happen. The did love each other. Like a brother and sister who’d banded together to keep the team going in Jack’s absence. Ianto had enough to deal with in keeping himself from thinking of Jack as his father without facing a bout of incestuous queasiness every time he touched Gwen over Jack’s body. Never mind the fact that he seemed to have been plagued with the guilt about Rhys that Jack and Gwen chose not to feel.

Gwen was willing to do anything for Jack, but Ianto knew she felt the same wrongness about him as a sexual partner, or maybe it was just lack of interest. Either way, it was only a matter of time until Jack got what he wanted, such as two attractive “old friends” who might be more compatible with each other and Jack’s fantasies.

Of course that required getting his current lovers out of the way for awhile, telling them the trip to check out an old report of aliens in New Jersey, seen by a boy named Clancy, would be good for them. Change of scene, he’d insisted with his most sincere smile. A chance to get away from the dark memories of the last few months.

Gwen actually believed him. She’d sat next to Ianto on the airplane, still singing Jack’s praises for his sensitivity, while Ianto wondered how long after they’d left the Hub it had taken for Jack to put his proposition to Martha and Mickey. He’d told himself he didn’t care.

He’d waited out Jack’s mini-infatuations and would do it again, without lowering his own standards. Jack was Jack. Constitutionally incapable of being faithful to anyone or anything, but Ianto was better than that. He would never…

Except he had. Loudly and strenuously. The woman…he couldn’t bring himself to think of her as “Thirteen” had brought something out in him. A passion; an anger. The first time she’d straddled him, moving up and down, using him for her own pleasure and it reminded him too much of Jack, Afterwards, she made to leave, but he pulled her back, and they had a second go-round, pushed against the closet door, screaming and pounding. The hospital was either well insulated or badly protected, for none of their sounds to bring any interruption.

Ianto could hardly remember how they’d gotten there or what had been said. The file was over two years old and most of Dr. House’s team weren’t working for him anymore. Only the woman was willing to talk to him at all, indicating that there had been an odd, but perfectly reasonable medical explanation for the boy’s delusions, and then suggesting they go somewhere for coffee, which turned out to be a code for shagging like lunatics in the supply closet. If things were like that back home, the NHS might be considerably more popular.

He watched her start to dress, giving him another look at the braces, this time instead of arousal, he felt guilt and fear of discovery. He should not have done this, no matter how good it had felt. Maybe for that very reason. He didn’t want to be this person. That was Jack. Or Owen, and he was most emphatically not like Owen. This was special. Something he could keep to himself to prove that Jack bloody Harkness wasn’t the be-all and end-all of human existence. Sometimes attractive young ladies with strange names threw themselves at the Ianto Joneses of the world too.

“Ianto! Ianto, are you in there?”

He’d left Gwen talking to the only member of House’s current staff who’d actually treated Clancy, and naturally she’d found him here in this supply room of iniquity.

“Fine, Gwen. I’ll be out in a moment…”

“Are you all right? I heard some noises….OH!”

From the wide-eyed shock, you’d think she hadn’t seen Ianto bare-arse naked as he and Jack indulged in nearly every sexual activity known to humanity and a few that Jack had imported from his own time and place. Or maybe it was the sight of the woman’s, all right then, Thirteen’s breasts, small, but still appealing, not quite covered up by the shirt she was still in process of buttoning. Perhaps Gwen Cooper was no more able to resist the allure of the braces than he was.

“Hello,” said Thirteen, in the exact same tone that she’d used to suggest coffee to Ianto, just a shade too sultry to be professional.

“Hello,” Gwen replied with her usual friendliness. “I’m Gwen Cooper, and you are….”

“I’m Dr. Remy Hadley.”

A name? She had a bloody name? And she was telling it to Gwen?

“Nice to meet you Dr. Hadley. I should go…I guess. It looks like you two were…discussing something?”

Ianto looked down, realising he’d barely gotten his pants up and the trousers were hanging over the end of the gurney.

“We were, but I was wondering if you’d like to join us?”

No! No. No. No. Not another one who’d bang anything with a postal code and wanted Gwen as well. Bugger!

“Oh no, I’m sorry. Most flattering I’m sure.” She actually had the brass bollocks to blush. “Husband back home you know.”

“Too bad. Well I guess I should get back to work. I’d hate to give House another source of amusement."

Dr. Hadley must have had plenty of practice at getting herself redressed in a small space, maybe even this particular one, because it seemed she was putting her lab coat on and pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, while Ianto was still trying to get the buttons on his shirt lined up.

She managed to leave looking brisk and professional, despite the hickey that Ianto knew he’d left in the vicinity of her right shoulder blade.

“Do you mind?” he asked Gwen, although modesty at this point was a farce.

“Sorry, luv,” she said, turning her back, as he completed his dressing, trying to become the man he knew he was before. The one who was better than this.

“Gwen,” he said, already pleading, desperate to keep that image when they went back to Cardiff.”

“Yes, Ianto?” She might be trying to suppress a laugh, but he knew she’d understand how important it was to keep this a secret.

“Promise me you won’t tell Jack.”



Tags: crack!fic, gwen cooper, house md, housefic, ianto jones, thirteen, torchwood
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