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"Help Yourself" Ashes to Ashes Alex/Chris Rating-R Wordcount-420

Title: Help Yourself
Fandom: Ashes to Ashes
Pairing: Alex/Chris
Rating: R
Wordcount: 420
Notes: Written for mmom. Possible crackish-ness, provoked by Day 19 deadline panic. Prompt from mad_jaks Chris over the Audi. Thanks to mad_jaks also for some insta-beta.
Warning: Spoilers for Series 2, Episode 2
Summary: Rehearsal for the Big Event.

Also available at:
A03
Dreamwidth
Fanfiction.Net



“Ma’am, I’m really not sure about this.”

“Do you want Shaz to forgive you for looking at those strippers or don’t you?

“I do. More than anything.”

“All right then. Now take it from the top, but put a little more pelvis into it this time.”

“Like side to side or front to back.”

“A bit of both. Sort of Ricky Martin. Living La Vida Loca.”

“Was that the Italian entry in Eurovision last year?”

“Not exactly. How about Tom Jones? You can do that, right?”

“Oh sure. What’s new pussycat? Whoah, whoah, whoah!

“Exactly. Just like that. Now pretend she’s right in front of you and you’re going to show her exactly what she’s missing. Mmmmmm. Very nice. Oh, Chris. You should definitely take your shirt off more often.”

“I’d get cold then.”

“Now the trousers.”

“Do I have to?”

“Did those girls at the club show everything?”

“Well, sure, but they’re….girls.”

“If you’re going to show Shaz how enlightened you are you need to… Oh my. That is quite…impressive.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. In fact, Chris. If you could just stand there for a minute, and let me look at you.”

“Are you all right, DI Drake? You sound a bit breathless.”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Do you think I need more rehearsal, then?”

“Nope. I think it’s just perfect.”

“That’s good. I want to get it right for Shazz. Uh….Ma’am? DI Drake?”

“Yes, Chris?”

“What are you doing?”

“I think you know.”

“Yeah, but….well….I think I should go now.”

“Oh no you don’t. You looked at those girls in the club, and now you’re going to see what a real woman looks like when she’s looking at a man.”

“I, I shouldn’t see this. I can’t….Shaz would….”

“That’s a fucking order.”

“Ma’am?”

“Oh Chris. Oh god. That’s right. Stand there and watch me….you know what I’d like to do to you Chris?”

“I’m getting a hint.”

“I want to shag you senseless right on top of Gene’s precious Quattro.”

“Guv wouldn’t like that.”

“Mmmmmm. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhhh. No. He. Wouldn’t. That’s the best…..aaaaaahhhhhhh. YES. FUCK. AHHHHHHH. Whew! Yes. All right, Chris. I do believe you’re ready for your close up.”

“Right. Thanks for the help.”

“Trust me. Do that for Shaz and you’ll be together forever.”

“Like Charles and Diana?”

“Uh, hopefully better.”

“Good. I love her. I really do. And please, DI Drake, please don’t tell her I saw….that.”

“Of course not. See you later, Chris.”

Just wait until I get you over that Audi.

Tags: alex drake, ashes to ashes, chris skelton, mmom, mmom 2009
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