Pairing: Noah/Nathan (references to other pairings)
Notes: Happy Birthday to my beloved kohlrimmedeye, a/k/a-paperclipbitch. Thanks to vanillafluffy for awesome beta. Includes spoilers through the 3rd season. Missing scene from Cold Wars.
Summary: What Noah needs and Nathan wants; or is the other way around?
“We don’t have much time.”
The voice seemed far away, even though Noah knew the speaker was right next to him.
He felt as though he’d been cut open, eviscerated, and put back together with Elmer’s glue. The joins would hold, but barely. Was this what he’d inflicted when he told the Haitian to “go deep” or “hollow him out.” Had Sandra felt this way when he tried to protect her from the truth?
He didn’t have time for guilt, and in an odd way he admired Parkman’s control of his powers. Noah could remember when Matt Parkman was just a LAPD patrolman, trying to make heads or tails of the fleeting thoughts he was picking up from those around him, wondering if he was going nuts. And look at him now, delving into Noah’s mind with nearly surgical precision to find the information he wanted, heedless of the damage he might cause in the process. Not the first time the Company had created a monster.
Speaking of monsters…
“Much time for what exactly?” Noah asked.
He could feel the leather seat under fingers and the smooth ride of the limousine as it moved through the DC night; one of the perks of being a United States Senator, or maybe just a Petrelli who had no qualms about embracing the family’s money.
“I’m sorry this happened, but it’s your best chance to convince Danko that you don’t have a conflict. You need to go in and tell him you’re fully committed. You could even offer to interrogate Suresh yourself. Act like you’re ready for some payback.”
Nathan was right, so right that Noah had to wonder if any part of this had been a set-up. He didn’t think so, but he’d never completely trust Nathan any more than Nathan would trust him.
The thing they had in common would bind them together forever, but those bonds were always going to be tenuous.
He needed Nathan to protect Claire, but the reason Claire needed protection was the chain of events that Nathan had set in motion. The irony made his head hurt, or maybe that was just the residual effects of the “interrogation.”
“You got an aspirin on you?”
“How about a drink?”
“That’s how I got into this mess.”
Walking into a bar with his guard down because he felt lonely; because this time he hadn’t been able to convince Sandra he was taking care of his family the best way she knew how. She honestly believed he did this for the excitement, or the thrill. Yeah, let her see how exciting it was to have Matt Parkman running around in your brain.
It wasn’t a thrill ride, it was a cause.
The limo had a bar, naturally, and the scotch was some of the best Noah had ever had, also naturally. He’d never aspired to the good life typified by everything Petrelli, but for the time being he was playing Nathan’s game. Danko wasn’t the only one that Noah had to convince.
Nathan seemed to have gone somewhere far away as he alternately contemplated the tinted windows of the car, his Blackberry, and the depths of his glass. He let out a deep sigh, and Noah wondered what was going on behind those dark eyes. In the silence, he found his own mind wandering to a place he didn’t much like to go, but the sight of Nathan with his jacket open and tie undone, his face slightly darkened with late-night stubble and a glass in his hand, reminded Noah of something he’d always wondered.
What had it been like eighteen years ago?
A cocky young man and a pretty girl. Only not any man or any girl. Somehow Noah always pictured the couple covered in flames during the act. It seemed only appropriate that someone as special as his Claire-bear would have been conceived in fire, and maybe there’d been a flight afterwards, gliding and swooping through the air, before Nathan went back to his life in New York, leaving his dangerously incendiary girlfriend to her own devices.
He gritted his teeth to avoid a visible tremor at the idea, and if Nathan had noticed or suspected what was going on his Noah’s mind, he didn’t say anything. Good thing he didn’t have Parkman’s ability. That wasn’t a thought to be shared with anyone. It certainly wasn’t one he should ever have. Just be grateful that Claire had survived the fire and been given to him, and don’t contemplate what it would be like to be taken up into the air by her real father.
The car had stopped. They got out and Noah knew immediately they weren’t anywhere near building 29. He also ruled out Nathan’s Senate office or official residence. This was a quiet suburban street, the kind he’d learned often held the darkest secrets, sort of like his house in Costa Verde.
“Danko knows what I had for dinner,” Nathan said by way of explanation, although none had been asked for. “I let him think he’s got me under full surveillance. He doesn’t know about this.”
Noah strongly doubted that, and wondered just how delusional Nathan had become about his own invulnerability. Delusional enough to have set this ball rolling in the first place, he thought, instinctively glancing up and down the street. The best surveillance is invisible,
and if Danko’s men were around, they wouldn’t know until it was too late.
Nathan did his own perfunctory checking, before casually opening the door and walking in as though he were just a guy coming home, and not a US Senator who’d put a target on his own back by playing a dangerous game with people’s lives.
“Honey, I’m home,” he quipped to the emptiness.
The living room also had a bar, and within minutes Nathan was holding up yet another glass.
Noah declined this time. He still felt a bit woozy, like a week’s worth of sleep wouldn’t go awry, but the headache had dissipated, and Nathan’s apparently cavalier attitude had him on edge.
“What are we doing here, Nathan? You can drink anywhere.”
And it looks like you do.
He decided not to give Nathan any fatherly lectures. Being raised by Arthur and Angela had probably screwed him up too badly for a friendly word to be taken well.
“If you’re going to convince Danko that you’re loyal to him, it means acting like you’re disloyal to me. But before I can let you do that, I need to know you are loyal to me.”
Great. Convoluted, drunken, meglomaniacal thinking. But there was some truth to it as well, at least if you were as paranoid as a guy hunting down his own kind while trying to protect himself had to be.
There was a thunk as the glass went down heavily against the bar, and then Nathan advancing toward him. Noah held his ground. It didn’t take telepathy or precog to know what was coming. Nathan Petrelli had cut himself off from everyone he loved and that had to be a lonely place to be. The question was what Noah was willing to do about it. He wasn’t quite sure himself.
Nathan’s arms were strong as they grasped him, pulling Noah close, holding him tightly. Noah felt the rough stubble against his cheek, smelled the alcohol still fresh on Nathan’s breath, and sensed the desperation that would drive a man to seek solace in this way.
“You’re not like this…I’m not like this.”
Not quite a lie. He wasn’t like this anymore. Those days had ended with a gunshot on a bridge.
Except maybe he was. It would be easy enough to break Nathan’s grip, assert his masculinity and tell Nathan he could trust him or not, with resorting to this. But he was letting the embrace go on, because this was Nathan, and maybe Noah had thought about it once or a hundred times, since the first time he’d seen Nathan fly, long before he knew about Claire’s parentage. As for Nathan, married man, father…well they all had secrets, didn’t they?
The voice was low and urgent in his ear, as much as the body was strong and warm, pressing against him.
“Don’t lie to me, Noah. You want this as much as I do.”
It wasn’t want, Noah thought, feeling the slightest trembling in Nathan’s hands on his shoulders; it was need. Need for the one person he truly cared about, the one who’d walked away in disgust and anger. Noah knew all about that kind of need.
He tightened his own grip, pulling Nathan’s face directly to his, looking in his eyes as he spoke.
“I’m not Peter.”
It had been a guess, but the look on Nathan’s face, both the pain and the resignation told him he was right and for another second he thanked whoever might be listening that he had been given the chance to raise Claire far from the insanity was the Petrelli family. He couldn’t waste much time on self-congratulations, because he and Nathan were still holding each other and he was watching acceptance soften Nathan’s features, before Nathan closed his eyes and nodded.
This was the moment he could walk away.
“For one thing, I’m on top.”
Nathan opened his eyes, presumably in surprise, but there was a smile forming on his face.
“Oh really? You think you can take me? You seem pretty out of it.”
Noah heard the challenge, but he knew it was a bluff.
“I don’t have to fight you. You know what you want and you always have. You’ve just been waiting for someone like me to come along and give it to you. You’re the one who said we don’t have much time. I take it the bedroom is in that general direction, or am I going to put you over the couch?”
It doesn’t take a special ability to control minds when you know what someone really wants. Nathan leaned into him, as if the very words had rendered him limp, except for one part, which Noah could feel pressing against his leg. His own body wasn’t quite in the game yet. Still a bit shell-shocked from the events in the hotel room, not to mention the two drinks he had in the limo, but that started changing with the first kiss. Deep and long and for all the roughness of his face, Nathan had surprisingly soft lips.
The bastard was still a seducer, after all. If voters and the president and even his own brother had fallen victim, how immune could Noah be? He’d asserted control, but that didn’t mean much when clothes were being dropped on the way to the bedroom and Nathan was moaning into his mouth.
The clock was ticking, but he needed time to take in Nathan’s body, all of it, especially the muscles of his back and legs as Nathan spread himself out for Noah’s appreciative gaze. He felt he was understanding more about Peter and Nathan than he really wanted to, knowing why Heidi had been willing to put up with her husband’s infidelity, and why he now was letting down his own guard to run his hands over the smooth flesh, feeling the firmness beneath it. Why he chose to make his own mark as he nipped harshly and then attempted to sooth the angry redness with his tongue.
Nathan twisted his head around to look back over his shoulder, nostrils flared, and silently asking Noah to get on with it.
“Turn over,” he said, surprised at the low growl that emerged.
He was hard now, prepared to show Nathan what “loyalty” really meant, or maybe just to relieve a need that had been brewing for far too long. For once, he couldn’t honestly tell himself he was doing the right thing for his family. This was for him, and damn it, he was going to enjoy it, and he was going to look at Nathan while it was happening.
They needed a lubricant. If this one of Nathan’s love nests there should be something around, especially if his guess had been true about Peter and probably others.
He opened his mouth to form the question, only to see Nathan reaching for something in a night stand drawer, and for just one second he had to wonder if it would be a weapon, because no matter what was going on right now, they still didn’t trust each other.
Noah suspected that the mutual suspicion would make it even better, because there was nothing like a bit of fear at a time like this. Nathan had nothing more dangerous at hand than a small tube which he tossed over, followed by a condom. Noah tried not to wonder how much use this place or this particular tube had seen. He did what was necessary to prepare himself and Nathan, who squirmed under his touch.
The man really did have a beautiful ass. Probably a good thing he’d gone this long without thinking that, but here and now he reveled in it, massaging the smooth skin of the buttocks and carefully working his fingers along the crack, pressing firmly until one finger slid inside and Nathan’s near-purr of a groan filled Noah’s ears.
He wondered how often Nathan let himself be on this side of the equation? Clearly he liked it, but maybe it was just too much vulnerability for a man who was so concerned with remaining in control.
Noah worked the finger in deeply, surrounded by heat and tightness, following it with another. He lay his other hand on Nathan’s hipbone, feeling a leaping pulse against his skin. He swallowed deeply, wishing Hiro Nakamura was there to stop time and then conveniently disappear, leaving them with the hours he would have liked to do this properly.
Instead he took his fingers out, and positioned himself between Nathan’s legs, lifting them slightly and pulling them around his own hips. His knees weren’t one hundred percent on board with the idea, but he ignored that twinge in favor of the now irresistible pull that was taking his cock toward its goal. If Nathan had been a contented creature at the earlier penetration, it was nothing compared to his reaction as Noah pushed in, murmuring encouragement and something both obscene and reassuring, as he felt the resistance give way.
“Oh my, god, Bennet, that’s….oh fuck, I’ve wanted….it’s…..UH!”
Not the most eloquent speech Senator Petrelli had ever given, but one of the more gratifying Noah had ever heard.
He gave himself a few seconds to luxuriate in the sensations, both the purely physical as well as the anger, and envy and grudging affection he felt for his man who was writhing beneath him, pushing as if to take more when there was no more to give.
Noah looked down, at the expanse of Nathan’s chest with the dark hair trailing down the cock that was hard against his abdomen. Then their eyes met, and silent signals were exchanged.
Noah pulled back so he could thrust in again, and Nathan reached down to start stroking himself. The rhythms were jagged at first, two men trying to give each other something, with only their disparate lifetimes as a common language, but the need was there in both of them, and Noah wanted this to be right. He angled his hips aiming for the place that would give Nathan the most pleasure, and let himself drive in as hard as could.
Nathan’s grunts told him he was on the right track, and he closed his eyes, losing track of time and place, and reason itself. Now it was just them, here and now, the feelings, the sounds, the words that should never be said, and the feelings that would never be repeated, and he knew it was happening when Nathan’s legs tightened around his hips and his body felt a near-eruption of heat coursing from his very depths.
One more thrust, hard and deep and his cock was pulsing, coming so hard, he felt like he’d been hollowed out all over again. He could hear a high-pitched wail from Nathan and opened his eyes in time to catch a glimpse of Nathan’s face contorted in passion and get a glimpse of the white sticky streams coming out of his cock.
It was oddly beautiful, and he remembered what it had been like to be this way before, with the partner he missed dearly, and maybe the hope of a life that could have been different.
He’d certainly never expected anything like this with Nathan, least of all that Nathan would want to hold him afterwards, Noah could feel Nathan’s heartbeat returning to normal, and taste the sweat on his shoulder. The longer it went on, the more he became aware of the time they didn’t have and his complete discomfort with the situation.
Fucking Nathan Petrelli had a certain crazy logic to it, but cuddling belonged to Sandra and to who-ever Nathan wished was with him right now.
“It’s getting late,” he said softly, hopefully pulling Nathan from his reverie without too much of a jolt.
“Yeah. We should get going. Luckily, Danko is an obsessive son-of-a-bitch. Doesn’t eat. Doesn’t sleep. Probably doesn’t even stop to take a shit.”
“Formidable,” Noah commented.
Nathan nodded as he was getting out of bed and grabbing clothing. Apparently Noah’s “loyalty oath” had been convincing. Now all they had to do was get back to the Building 29 and give Noah the chance to sell Danko on his newly found hatred of all things “special,” without giving away Nathan’s own secret.
He decided not to clean up too much. Let his traumatic experience speak for itself. Nathan obviously needed a bit of repair in the bathroom before he could be presentable, and he came out looking like a man who’d had a hard night, but not necessarily the one that had just played out in the bedroom.
The driver was waiting outside, which meant they should probably go back in the car to prevent suspicion, but Noah had to ask for the one thing Nathan could do for him that no one else could.
“Any chance I can get a ride,” he said, with a meaningful glance upward.
“Not tonight, Bennet.”
Noah nodded. Not prudent with a guy on his tail who didn’t have normal bodily functions.
He put on his coat and started for the door, only to have Nathan pull him back for one last kiss, one that involved far more teeth than Noah had expected and left him slightly dazed. Certainly not a kiss that said none of this ever happened, more like a kiss that said Property of Nathan Petrelli, and don’t you forget it.
Followed by the most disturbing words Nathan could possibly have said to him.
“Maybe next time.”