Pairing: Robert Chase/Cameron's Aunt Elisa (Includes reference to Chase/Cameron and other pairings.)
Theme set: Alpha
Title: The Night Before a/k/a The Cougar and the Wombat
Warning: Spoilers through the fifth season.
Notes: Written for vanillafluffy, who requested Chase being "cougared." Then I got really
ETA-Claim now officially accepted!
Thanks to haldane and secondsilk for clarification on a point of Aussie-speak.
Unbeta-ed so please to be letting me know about any typos and if I'm doing this whole "50 Sentences" thing totally wrong.
For those wondering who the hell Aunt Elisa is, she was mentioned by Cameron in Control:
Cameron: My Aunt Elisa lives in Philadelphia.
House: Oh, it’s storytime! Let me get my baba.
Cameron: Her normal temperature is 96.2, not 98.6 like you and me. If her temperature were 98.6, she’d have a fever. I’m just wondering if you think we could apply the same logic to Carly’s sed rate.
P.S.-Yes, I've ragged fiercely at anyone called Chase "Wombat" in a fic and will continue to do so, but the title won't get out of my head. So sue me!
Everything about the rehearsal dinner had been stressful and awkward until the tall woman with the husky voice showed up, embracing Cameron while eying Chase as though he were a particularly caloric, but irresistible desert.
She traces his lips with a fingernail painted the same shade as lips and he wonders how much of stain she’s planning to leave.
The first time she looks embarrassed is when he touches her stomach, perhaps not realizing the pleasure he derives from caressing curves again.
Gossip from Cameron when they get home from the dinner: Elisa’s husband was a drunk and he hit her, but he had money and she got a large chunk of it.
He watched her eat a baked potato, knowing only that she lived in Philadelphia and her normal temperature was 96.2, but thinking there was more to learn and half afraid he’d never get the chance.
Cuddy called to say that House would be “away” indefinitely, and he didn’t know what was darker, the clouds in the sky or the fear in her voice.
Trying to make small talk, he describes the wedding cake, only to have her feign orgasmic ecstasy at the mention of the white chocolate frosting.
“Have fun,” he says, watching Cameron leave to meet Cuddy and Hadley for what he suspects will be the worst hen’s night ever.
It was supposed to be a quiet night alone until the phone rang.
She whispers in his ear that Allison has been through hell and he’d best not do anything to hurt her, before kissing his neck and letting one cool, crystal earring brush against his skin.
“I love Cameron,” he insists, while undoing his belt, and at first he thinks her odd look is only over the hypocrisy.
He’s not sure when or where he learned the word zaftig, but he’s absolutely positive it applies here.
Kutner’s death had nothing to do with his wanting to marry Cameron, and it probably has nothing to do with this either.
The Strawberry Incident robbed him of the chance at a last fling; Aunt Elisa more than makes up for it.
“Are you sure?” she teases, making him groan, stroking him, and showing him in a single touch just how far his fiancée has to go in learning how to please a man.
He believed in God once; in good and evil, sin and redemption, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Nearly dying was bad, but it would still be better than three women getting drunk and maudlin over House and then calling up Wilson to probe for details that he doesn’t have or won’t share, leading more drinks and sloppy tears.
Cameron would never admit that Wilson is the real victim, because she doesn’t know everything that House has put Wilson through, things he sometimes ends up telling Chase, even though they both know he probably shouldn’t.
He drives to Philadelphia considerably faster than a man getting married the next day should.
“Are you sure,” she asks afterwards, and this time it’s a completely different question, one he’s already asked himself and answered a hundred times, but now he has work it out all over again.
Taub had insisted on toasting “L’Chaim” at which point he and Elisa ended up in a duet from Fiddler on the Roof, to Cameron’s eye-rolling mortification and Chase’s lip-biting amusement.
Naturally, she knows all about House, or at least the idealized version that Cameron apparently still talks about all the time.
“Even if they’ve had work, you can tell by the hands,” Taub had whispered, as they both pretended not to look.
She offers him a drink and the first kiss tastes of white wine, but thank God, not gin.
He left home for God and God for medicine, but now he wants a home again.
The plan was to stay at home and practice the words he’s going to say tomorrow, the most important one of which is “forever.”
Her kisses are passionate with just the hint of voraciousness and she nibbles at his lips; a faint echo of the bite he’d ended up with that first night with Cameron, the one they’ve both chosen not to remember, even if Chase can never quite forget.
“You’re not dying, are you?”
Fucking to the Stones felt just as dirty as it was always meant to be, but now she’s lying in his arms and softly humming along to “As Tears Go By.”
“My world fell down,” he says, explaining both his childhood and the last year of his adult life, not telling her that both his wedding and this are ways to fix it.
She got the house and it very much pleases her to screw handsome young men in it, especially ones with extremely sexy accents.
It’s so good, with that delicious combination of pleasure and guilt that only a lapsed Catholic can truly appreciate, that he considers thanking God, until he remembers that he doesn’t believe any more.
If Cameron finds out…she’ll cry.
Only a very, very bad woman would go to her favorite niece’s wedding rehearsal dinner, planning to flirt with the groom, and she’s not a bad woman, just an occasionally lucky one.
Chase doesn’t want to ask if Elisa knew Cameron’s first husband, but he can’t help himself.
It’s not just the accent, or the hair, or that nearly perfect “arse” as he adorably pronounces it, and it’s definitely not the idea that’s taking something away from Allison, who still looks ludicrously young, even with that somewhat tacky dye job.
It wasn’t Kutner; it was Amber, dying in Wilson’s arms after the best equipment and the best diagnostician still couldn’t save her.
One of them says “thank you,” but they both mean it.
Taub’s final verdict was, yeah, some work around the mouth and eyes, but damn it was good.
No lipstick, no bite marks, and the face of a saint who’d been home all night working on his wedding vows like a good groom to be.
Elisa feels Robert’s orgasm as he shakes and shudders against her and she wants to scream her victory to the heavens.
House must have been very broken to agree to any kind of rehab, proving finally that neither he, nor Cameron could do anything to save him.
“It’s going to be beautiful,” Cameron says, waking him up with a kiss full of hope.
Foreman’s been joking, in that slightly menacing way he has, about paying off their DJ to play nothing but horrible ballads, everything from REO Speed Wagon to Bryan Adams, and Chase wonders which one would be the least appropriate for dancing with his newly-minted Aunt-in-Law.
Elisa ends up sitting next to Allison’s boss, Dr. Cuddy, who looks sadder than anyone should on such a beautiful day.
Cameron looks gorgeous in her dress, all their friends are there and he feels like a total bastard as he waves to Cuddy, but ends up catching Elisa’s eye for a just a second too long.
Their honeymoon is on hold, just like all their other vacations, so he spins tales of the moon rising over the Sydney Opera House, and all she can do is ask if he thinks House is ok.
She stands next to Dr. Cuddy as the newlyweds have their first dance, and puts what she’d like to believe is a discreet, but comforting hand on her back.
Lisa laughs over a drink when Elisa reaches out to try and put a strand of hair back over her ear, she ends up touching her face.
Someday, far, far in the future, Chase can imagine House smirking and mocking him, “You did Aunt Elisa? Cool!”