karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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Sadness for my Beta Goddess

As some of you may have noticed, I haven't had anything beta'ed by Beta Goddess Carol in about a month. I've alluded to her being in a difficult situation, but didn't feel I could say much more.

About two months ago, her husband started experiencing back pain and other symptoms including a high fever. I'm very fuzzy on exact dates, but it felt like a few weeks later, they had a diagnoses of metastatic cancer.

In the midst of all that she did beta on the last Hugh&Bobby story and Darkness On The Edge Of Town. Absolutely unbelievable that she would do that under the circumstances, although she said it was a welcome distraction at the time.

Anybody who knows me knows I'm the last person you want around in any kind of emotional crisis. I get brittle. I get macabre. I can't deal. I have nothing to say. In the wake of this crisis, I actually spoke to her for the first time. I did not cover myself in glory with my eloquence and was only able to sit there with my mouth open and then revert to House-babble and fic-snark.

She's been keeping family and friends updated via an LJ log and I just got home from Karaoke to find that he passed away this afternoon. It was peaceful and he wasn't in pain and that's as much as anyone could have asked at this point.

I never met him and yet we knew eachother the way you get to know the "supporting characters" in the lives of people you have those on-going email relationships with. Carol and I developed one of those almost insta-buddy friendships on-line as well as well as our beta/writer relationship nearly instantly. I know how much she loved him and I'm just hurting so much for her right now.

I have no idea what to say or do. There will be no karaoke post tonight. I'm just going to try and sleep

Carol, if you're reading this, I love you.
Tags: journal

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