Even when you piss me off, you still have the power to wake me up in the middle of the night and make me write fic. I'm going to take that as a good thing. I've never stayed involved with one fandom from almost the beginning, over such a long haul. I get angry, I get frustrated, I want to obliterate whole seasons, and I'm convinced I understand canon better than the writers do, but to quote Stephen Sondheim, I'm still here! (And still writing.) I'm not saying that makes me better - or worse - than the people who walked away as long ago as season 3 or four. Maybe just more obsessive. But seriously. I was in bed, computer off, thinking I'd mull the premise and jot it down in the AM, and I LITERALLY COULD NOT SLEEP. I had to get up and write the damn thing. That's a pretty incredible power for a show that has the capacity to make me frothing at the mouth angry over what I feel is the misuse and willful ignorance of its own history.
Presumably if I'd been a Buffy person or X-files or Harry Potter, this would be old hat, but it's not. Star Trek was my first love, but that happened after the initial run and back in the quaint old paper fanzine days. There's something very different and slightly scary about how much power this fandom has over me after all this time.
Perhaps this is the "true" batshit behaviour in my fannish life, NOT the trifling issues I've had with other characters in other fandoms. THIS. Middle of the night, to write a drabble, just because one stupid bunny wouldn't leave me alone, and I felt two characters deserved better than what canon was capable of giving them.
*I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying And I'm crazy for loving you.*