karaokegal (karaokegal) wrote,

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"You're The Top" Warehouse 13 fic for consci_fan_mo Chapter 3

Title:You're The Top-Chapter 3 (The thrilling conclusion.)
Author: karaokegal
Fandom and/or Prompt: Warehouse 13;Pete, Claudia;artichoke rustydog
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers No spoilers. Takes place during the first season, prior to the events of the season finale. No beta.
Wordcount for this chapter-700 (Total for the whole story-2000)
Disclaimer-I'd love to write for this show. If anyone from Sf Fy is reading, please give me a call and I promise not to make fun of your ridiculous name change.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Artie always enjoyed his conversations with Amelia, but this message had been sent three times and the buzzing got more urgent each time. Once more it would start to give him increasing electric shocks. Mrs. Frederic had insisted he keep it on his person at all times, in return for the simulacrum of freedom he was otherwise allowed.

“All right, what is it?” he growled arriving back at the Warehouse, expecting to see Mrs. Frederic or possibly Myka, but certainly not Joshua. Of course Joshua, wasn’t really there, but there he was, regardless.

“It’s the artichoke.”

“Oh crap. That was never supposed to…”

“I know.”

He wished Joshua had been willing to stick around in person. There was always something soothing about him. And in this case he was the only person who might be immune from the effects. He could hold them off long enough for Artie to give them what they wanted.

It would be nice if he had more people he could confide in, but it was his blessing and curse to keep the secrets of the Warehouse and that meant keeping them mostly to himself.

“Go. Parley. Do whatever it takes. I’ll bring the glasses.”

Joshua shimmered and was gone. This time really.

Mrs. Frederics would like this, but that was too bad. The glasses and the artichoke didn’t technically fall under their jurisdiction and he wasn’t going to risk Claudia or Pete’s lives for three foot tall aliens with self-esteem issues.

Pete still couldn’t believe it. He also couldn’t remember very much. There was the voice and the hands and that woman.

“It wasn’t really a woman?” he asked Artie, for what might have been the fifth time.

“Well, it might have been female. It’s hard to say without a thorough investigation, the secondary sexual characteristics are located under the…”

“All right. All right. Fine. But what planet are they from?”

Artie was focusing way to hard on the extremely empty road for Pete’s liking. He clearly knew more than he was willing to tell. So what else was new?


Claudia had seen about as much of that podunk excuse for an airport as she could stand. She wished she could hack into air traffic control for just five minutes and wreak some (mostly) harmless havoc. Anything to break the monotony. It had been five hours since Joshua had told her to take the car to the airport and at least two since Artie had jumped into the car and told her wait until he got back.

She had tried to protest, but he’d given her that look.

Now she was stuck here, listening to messages about the delayed flight to Wichita and wondering if the jail sentence was worth it to just shut up one of those two screaming brats, or maybe just their mother, who was ignoring the ruckus while she yelled into the phone, presumably at her husband waiting for her in Wichita.


“Stay away you creep, I know jujitsu! Oh Artie….OH PETE!!!! HEY! What the hell happened? Are you ok, Pete? Artie is he OK?”

“He’s still a little stunned, but he’s fine,” Artie said in his most reassuring voice, which Claudia knew well enough to be anything but reassured by. “They wanted the glasses. Those are the only things that can neutralize the artichoke.”

“But who was that guy? He was gorgeous. Did the cops get him? Cause I wouldn’t mind paying a visit?”

Artie rolled his eyes disapprovingly, before switching to a very annoying smirk.

“He went home. And to tell you the truth, he wasn’t exactly a guy.”


“I promise I’ll tell you everything when we get back to the Warehouse.”

Claudia shook her head.

“You’re lying. You won’t tell us a damn thing. Or you’ll make something up. Why do you treat us like children?”

It was a good question, Artie thought, but he couldn’t answer it without endangering all the…kids, including the human race.

The best he could do was get them home safe and sound and make sure they were well fed. He’d order pizzas as soon as they got home.

He didn’t think there’d be any fights over the toppings this time.
Tags: consci_fan_mo, fanfic, warehouse 13

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